Absolutely Fabulous (TV Series)

Fashion (1992)

Joanna Lumley: Patsy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Eddie : Everybody's there, everybody! Big names, you know. Chanel, Dior, Lagerfeld, Givenchy, Gaultier, darling. Names, names, names. Every rich bitch from New York is in there. Hockwenden, Ruttenstein, Vandebilt, Rothschild, Hookenfookenberger, Dachshund, Rottweiler, sweetie.

  Patsy : A row of skeletons with Jackie O hairdos.

  Eddie : Harper's, Tatler, English "Vogue", American "Vogue", French "Vogue", bloody Aby-bloody-ssinian bloody "Vogue", darling. Jeff Banks and Selina Scott couldn't even get a ticket, darling.

• Eddie : Darling, stop me drinking today because Saffy's threatened to leave home again.

  Patsy : Darling, you don't drink.

  Eddie : Yes, I know I'm not a drinker, but you know what she's like, I mean...

  Patsy : A pig.

  Eddie : God, I must ring in and tell them I'm coming.

  Patsy : What will you drink if you stop drinking?

  Eddie : I shall drink water.

  [pause] 

  Eddie : It's a mixer, Patsy. We have it with whiskey... I mean, you know what it's like, you've given up drinking before.

  Patsy : The worst eight hours of my life.

• Patsy : What are you wearing, Eddy?

  Eddie : La Croix.

  Patsy : It's fabulous.

  Eddie : Good... Thank you.

• Patsy : [Saffron has refused to go to Edina's fashion show and her son, Serge, is also unavailable]  You know, I sometimes wonder what the point of having children is if they're not going to turn up for your launches? Did you tell him how important for you it was, darling?

  Eddie : Yeah, I tell him. I faxed the bloody dean, the bollocky halls of residence and the buggery mountain rescue. I mean, what more can I do?

  Patsy : Nothing, and you shouldn't have to. I mean, look at you. You've been a fantastic mother. You've let them ruin your figure. Your stomach's stretched beyond recognition, you've got tits down to your knees, and what for, for God's sake? For a potholer who's worn nothing but a purple nylon tracksuit and a Gazza t-shirt for the past two years. Cut the cord, darling.

• Eddie : Now, come on, come on, come on. How's the celebrity and V.I.P. list looking?

  Bubble : Good, I think. But you know me, I don't know anybody.

  Eddie : Now, come on, darling. Come on, darling! Just tell me about Joan Collins, Stephanie Powers, Paloma Picasso, Charlotte Rampling, Catherine Deneuve. Give me some names, darling.

  Bubble : So far?

  Eddie : So far.

  Bubble : So far Sinnita and Anne Robinson definite. We're still chasing Anneke Rice. Gave up on Norma Major.

  Eddie : Now, just get me my phone book now, would you, darling? Get me my phone book. I mean Princess Di has...

  Bubble : Anne.

  Eddie : ...to have somebody to sit next to. You don't get Princess Di to a major...

  Bubble : Anne.

  Eddie : ...fashion event.

  Bubble : Anne. Princess Anne.

  Eddie : As well as, is it, darling?

  Bubble : Instead of. Only. Oh, possibly with daughter.

  Eddie : Why, why?

  Bubble : Well, there was a bit of a mix-up. I didn't make the call, but she's very game and a really nice person.

  Eddie : Oh, I wouldn't care if she was Mother bloody Teresa, darling! It doesn't matter for our purposes! What we need is a Princess with a press following and a designer dress on her back!

  Patsy : Not someone who looks like she runs up her own.

  Bubble : Well, her people were a bit cagey about which designer she favoured.

  Patsy : The only label she wears is "Drip Dry".

• Patsy : Right, I'm off. Are we eating?

  Eddie : Yes, after. French, Italian, whatever you like, sweetie.

  Patsy : No darling, no one's eating that sort of food anymore. There's a fabulous new Japanese in Mayfair. Everything is raw. Anything with a pulse is lunch.

  Eddie : Alright, darling, whatever.

• Bubble : Oh, the magazine called for you, Patsy. They need some decisions about this month's cover.

  Patsy : Oh, really? Whatever can they need to know? I mean, it's the same every month: a model in make-up with a vacant look on her face...

• Patsy : Have you got something I can pee into? I want to do another test.

  Eddie : Bloody hell, Patsy! Wash it this time, will you? Anyway, darling, who was it you were with last night?

  Patsy : Oh, he was just a windscreen washer I picked up at the traffic lights...

  Eddie : Oh.

  Patsy : Buns so tight he was bouncing off the walls.

  Eddie : Bye, Pats. Darling, bye.

• Eddie : [drunkenly]  I don't know why it went wrong with Justin. I mean, you know, cause we did just adore each other, you know.

  Patsy : He's gay.

• Patsy : Darling, you are a fabulous, wonderful individual.

  Eddie : Oh, thank you.

  Patsy : And remember, I've known you longer than your daughter, and anything you do is alright by me. You're my best friend, sweetheart. Can I take your car?

• Patsy : I mean, Betty Boo and Dannii Minogue did their best, but frankly...