- Andy Taylor: I know it's Friday, Otis, but ain't you a little early?
- Otis Campbell: Oh, I'm dead sober, Andy, but I s'pect I'll get over it.
- Andy Taylor: That's generally the way it's handled. When somebody marries you, the polite thing to do is marry 'em right back!
- Andy Taylor: You have to understand somethin', Aunt Bee. Among folks that love each other, like we do, nothin' can be best for us unless it's best for you.
- Opie Taylor: Gosh, Pa! Did I say the wrong thing?
- Andy Taylor: No, Ope. You's the only one that said the *right* thing!
- Clara Johnson: Bee, I'm speaking to you as a friend when I say it may be time that you opened your eyes and thought about getting married, for everybody's sake.
- H. Fred Goss: Got the spots out, Otis. Might save us all a lot of trouble if you get yourself a whiskey-colored suit.
- Andy Taylor: 'Bout ready for bed?
- Opie Taylor: Yeah, Pa.
- Andy Taylor: Brush your teeth?
- Opie Taylor: Just feel how wet the toothbrush is.
- Andy Taylor: I want to tell you a little story. One time a long time ago, there was this little fella and he never brushed his teeth. Now, you may not believe this, but all he'd do is wet his toothbrush. To him it was a right funny joke. Every time he thought about it, he smiled. And then one day, he quit smiling. Never smiled again the rest of his days.
- Opie Taylor: Why didn't he smile any more?
- Andy Taylor: He was too embarrassed. He didn't have any teeth.
- [Opie turns to go back to the bathroom]
- Andy Taylor: Where you goin'?
- Opie Taylor: Guess I'll go brush my teeth again.