Batman: The Animated Series (TV Series)

Harlequinade (1994)

Kevin Conroy: Batman, Bruce Wayne

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Batman has released Harley Quinn from Arkham to help him find the Joker. While they are riding along in the Batmobile:] 

  Harley Quinn : [reaches for the dashboard]  I want to listen to the radio!

  Batman : Don't!

  [She pushes a button, and a drag chute deploys from the Batmobile's rear, causing the car to swerve wildly, until Batman brakes to a stop] 

  Harley Quinn : Oops.

  Batman : Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or *do* anything unless I tell you! GOT IT?

  Harley Quinn : [small voice]  Yes, sir.

• [fleeing the city] 

  Harley Quinn : But what about all our friends? Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat Guy and Lizard Man and Puppet Head and...

  The Joker : What about them?

  Batman : Don't forget your little pets!

  Harley Quinn : [gasp]  The babies! We can't leave the babies!

  The Joker : I'll buy you a goldfish. Let's go!

• Harley Quinn : Did you see the way I handled those creeps? Pow! Bam! Batgirl, eat your heart out!

  Robin : What was she before she went bonkers?

  Batman : A clinical psychiatrist.

  Robin : Figures.

• Batman : Ms. Quinn?

  Dr. Harleen Quinzel : [gasping and falling off the bed]  Dontcha knock before entering a lady's boudoir?

  Batman : I need help.

  Dr. Harleen Quinzel : Well, you've come to the right place. I recommend a lobotomy.

• Harley Quinn : Freeze, clown.

  Batman : Quinn! Stop!

  Harley Quinn : He's mine, Bats.

  The Joker : You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts.

  [tears well in her eyes] 

  The Joker : Not in a million years would you...

  [she cocks the gun and pulls the trigger; a pole pops out with "rat-tat-tat" cards] 

  The Joker : [after glaring at her in anger, he cackles]  Baby, you're the greatest!

• Batman : What's the attraction, Quinn? This sick infatuation with the Joker?

  Harley Quinn : Look, Bats, when I was a doctor, I was always listening to other people's problems. Then I met Mr. J, who listened to me for a change and made everything fun.

  Batman : You think it's funny when he hurts people?

  Harley Quinn : It's just a joke.

  Batman : Hope you're still laughing when it's your turn.

  Harley Quinn : [sticking out her tongue]  Hmph. Mmm.

• Batman : [firing his grappling gun]  Grab on.

  Harley Quinn : I can do it myself, thank you.

  [she takes her own out, with a large composite of the Joker's face on top, and fires it] 

  Harley Quinn : Ha ha.

  [getting conked on the head] 

  Harley Quinn : Ow!

• Batman : The Joker's stolen a bomb. If I can't get to him in time, this city and everyone in it's going up in a mushroom cloud.

  Dr. Harleen Quinzel : So you want me to turn squealer on Mr. J? Ha! Sorry, B-man. No deal.

  Batman : I've talked to Gordon and Dr. Bartholomew. You help me find the Joker, and they'll write your ticket out of here.

  Dr. Harleen Quinzel : Whee!

  Batman : *If* you promise no double-cross.

  Dr. Harleen Quinzel : Aw, shoot! Take all the fun outta life.

• Batman : Any word on the Joker?

  Robin : Nothing. I even checked with Gordon again, and the mayor still refuses to let the cops evacuate the city.

  Harley Quinn : [laughing and chortling]  Oh, it's brilliant. Way to go, Mr. J!

  Batman : What are you saying?

  Harley Quinn : Oh, come on, Bats. You've seen how my Puddin' keeps an eye on Gotham. What better way to tie up the cops than to tie up the mayor?

• Harley Quinn : [handcuffed in the Batmobile]  What gives?

  Batman : I can't risk you warning the Joker.

  Harley Quinn : [innocently]  Would I do a thing like that?

  [the canopy closes] 

  Harley Quinn : Hey, let me out! Come on!

• The Joker : Harley?

  Harley Quinn : Hi, Puddin'. Miss me?

  The Joker : Ooh, you clever little minx. How did you escape from Arkham?

  Harley Quinn : Batman sprung me so's I could find you. Had me all locked up in his bad old car, too.

  The Joker : [feigning sympathy]  Aw.

  Batman : Quinn! We had a deal.

  Harley Quinn : Deal's off, B-man. No one ever said anything about hurtin' Mr. J.

• Harley Quinn : Sneak, sneak, sneak.

  Batman : Shh.

  Harley Quinn : Shh? Whaddaya mean, "shh"? No one's been in this dump for years.

  [he picks the lock, and the door opens to reveal a lively underground gentlemen's club] 

• Batman : The Joker will be extra cautious this time. We'll have to think like him or recruit someone who does.