Batman: The Animated Series (TV Series)

Make 'Em Laugh (1994)

Richard Jeni: Host

Quotes 

• Host : Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 10th annual Gotham Laff-Off!

  [cheers and applause] 

  Host : And now, it is my deepest honor to present to you the evening's first and only contestant... Smilin' Shecky Rimshot!

  Jack Napier : Hey, folks, you're beautiful! Funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater last year. It seems three no-talent hacks tried to stop me from winning. But guess what!

  [removing his hat and makeup] 

  The Joker : I'm baa-aaaack!

• Host : I tell ya, Morey, I'm dyin' here. I got a full house, and all three of my celebrity judges are either missing or in jail. Ya gotta find me some replacements, quick!

  The Joker : [ending the call]  Ask, and ye shall receive.

  Host : What in the...

  The Joker : Permit me to introduce judges Knuckles, Finney, and Kowalski. They'll be presenting me with a trophy tonight.

  Host : Hey, listen, you can't just walk in here and take...

  The Joker : Oh, but I already have.

  [as his thugs grab the host, he puts a mind-control patch on his neck] 

  The Joker : These little microchips are a wonder. Remind me to thank the Mad Hatter. If he ever wakes up.

• Jack Napier : [as "Smilin' Shecky Rimshot"]  Good evening, ladies and germs. Hey, did you hear about the guy, walked into a doctor's office with a frog on his head? Doctor says "That's the weirdest-looking wart I've ever seen." Frog looks up and says "Yeah! I woke up this morning, there was a big bump on my butt!"

  [audience laughter] 

  Jack Napier : Hey, then there's this guy who buys a new dog. He takes it for a walk, and the friend says...

  [buzzer] 

  Jack Napier : Huh?

  Lisa Lorraine : Sorry, pal. We've already made our decision. And for your information, registration closed days ago.

  Jack Napier : I'm not leaving until I get that trophy.

  Host : [Shecky is comedically yanked off stage with a cane]  Oh, yes, you are!