- Benny Hill: Now I was in a Chelsea bar one day./ There was a chap stood about ten feet away./ We was both admiring a girl about 21./ I said, "You just can't help but stare /at the cute little chick with the long blonde hair."/ He said, "That chick just happens to be my son."/ I said, "I didn't mean to offend,/ you must let me make amend,/ at least let me buy you another rum."/ I said, "You must think me an awful cad,/ I didn't know you was his dad."/ He said, "I'm not, you twit, I'm his mum!"
- Fisherman: He married her one day./Well, there was a tiddler on the way./When he was born, we all wanted to know the weight./ He says, "he weighs near enough a pound."/ So, Charlie, he turns 'round./ He says, "Gol, you only just got back your bait."