- Milburn Drysdale: Carrington, Mrs. Philip B., widow, financial rating AAA, between 23 and 24.
- Jane Hathaway: So young.
- Milburn Drysdale: What young? That's how many millions she's got.
- Jane Hathaway: Well how old a woman is she?
- Milburn Drysdale: Who cares? With that kind of money, she's in the prime of her life.
- Daisy Moses: I brought you a little treat, some Clem chowder.
- Agnes: Clam chowder?
- Daisy Moses: No, Clem, he was our goat.
- Daisy Moses: I've got some medicine that'll fix you up. Make it myself.
- Agnes: Is it any good?
- Daisy Moses: Good? I've had rheumatiz for 40 years. Loved every minute of it.
- Jed Clampett: [Granny fills a glass from her jug] Who ya pourin' that fer?
- Daisy Moses: Oh, that's for Miss Carrington. I think she's gonna drop over.
- Jed Clampett: She will if she drinks that. Then she'll lay there for a spell.
- Daisy Moses: How's your back?
- Agnes: What back? Oh mine, it's great. You know, you were right about this stuff. It makes having rheumatism a ball.
- Daisy Moses: [moves the glass away] Just sip it, honey, don't gulp.
- Agnes: Okay.
- Daisy Moses: Now lets get back to Jed. Would you like to step out with him tonight?
- Agnes: No thanks.
- Daisy Moses: [moves the glass closer] Gulp it.
- Agnes: Gee that's beautiful material. That reminds me of Hawaii. I used to have a muumuu like this.
- Daisy Moses: A what?
- Agnes: A muumuu.
- Daisy Moses: [moves the glass away] Go back to sippin', honey. There ain't no cows this color.
- Jed Clampett: Granny, I'm surprised at you. Back home, you was always the first one to visit a new neighbor, take 'em over a pot of vittles and make 'em feel welcome.
- Daisy Moses: That was back home. I tried for 3 years out here. I never got nothin' but mean-mouthed, door-slammed, and dog-bit.
- Daisy Moses: Elly, you go get Duke. We'll give her a big Beverly Hills welcome.
- Jed Clampett: Beverly Hills welcome?
- Daisy Moses: I'll slam the door in her face and Elly'll sic the dog on her.
- Jane Hathaway: [Jethro is depressed because the new neighbor doesn't have a pretty maid] Jethro, if you're lonesome for feminine companionship, come to my place this evening.
- Jethro Bodine: Do you have a pretty maid?
- Milburn Drysdale: Jed and Mrs. Carrington. They're perfectly mated, 50 million and 24 million. Oh, marriages like that are made in Fort Knox.
- Milburn Drysdale: Let's have the wedding here in the bank.
- Jane Hathaway: Wedding?
- Milburn Drysdale: Yes, they can be married in the vault. It will be a beautiful ceremony. Do you, 50 million take this 24 million to be your lawfully wedded co-depositor?
- Jane Hathaway: The fact is, we don't even know what Mrs. Carrington looks like.
- Milburn Drysdale: Well she's beautiful. Terrific figure.
- Jane Hathaway: How do you know?
- Milburn Drysdale: I've got her picture right here.
- Jane Hathaway: That is a financial report.
- Milburn Drysdale: Yes, isn't she lovely? And look at that cash on hand. What a figure!
- Milburn Drysdale: What's your idea of romance?
- Jane Hathaway: Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, Venus and Adonis, Eloise and Avalon.
- Milburn Drysdale: Baloney! I'll bet Clampett and Carrington have got more money than all of them put together.
- Agnes: Two people can have all the money in the world and still not be happy.
- Milburn Drysdale: I think you'd better call a psychiatrist. You're cracking up.
- Agnes: If people are in love, they can be deliriously ecstatically happy without a penny to their name.
- Milburn Drysdale: I'll drive. You lie down in the back seat.
- Milburn Drysdale: You see, here in the city, things move at a faster pace than you're used to back in the hills. Back there, if you liked someone, you'd probably invite them to take a walk on Sunday afternoon, shoot them a rabbit or something, but out here, you have to shower them with gifts and attention. Now in addition to the flowers and candy, I've taken the liberty of picking these out for you.
- [shows him some jewelry]
- Jed Clampett: Mr. Drysdale?
- Milburn Drysdale: And some perfume.
- Jed Clampett: Mr Drysdale?
- Milburn Drysdale: Yes?
- [Jed hands the gifts back]
- Jed Clampett: Just shoot me a rabbit.