The Beverly Hillbillies (TV Series)

Doctor Jed Clampett (1964)

Irene Ryan: Daisy Moses

Photos 

Quotes 

• Daisy Moses : Why them durn-fool, crazy, mixed-up college kids, they made a mistake!

  Elly May Clampett : Well, what do you mean?

  Daisy Moses : I've been doctorin' over 50 years and they give the certificate to Jed.

  Jed Clampett : What's all the shoutin' about down there?

  Daisy Moses : Well, yonder he comes, the college doctor, the one with the fancy piece of paper that says he knows everything. How do you cure the vapors? What do you do for quinsy?

• Daisy Moses : You get yer certificate-hoggin' hands off a me, Doctor Clampett.

• Jethro Bodine : Where we goin', Granny?

  Daisy Moses : To that greedy college.

  Jethro Bodine : I think it's Greely.

  Daisy Moses : I think it's greedy... and as long as it is, I'm gonna buy me one of them half-hour doctor certificates.

  Jethro Bodine : Hey Granny, how about buyin' me one to be a brain surgeon?

  Daisy Moses : I'll price it.

• Daisy Moses : Are you the goomer who gives away doctor certificates?

  Dean Cromwell : What?

  Daisy Moses : Yep, it's you. I'll take one.

• Dean Cromwell : Will you please explain what this little woman wants?

  Jethro Bodine : Yessir, she wants folks to call her a doctor.

  Daisy Moses : And it's high time too.

  Dean Cromwell : Indeed it is.

  [picks up the phone] 

  Dean Cromwell : Get me Dr. Neimeyer in Psychiatry.

• Daisy Moses : Take that man

  [the fire-eater] 

  Daisy Moses : to the kitchen! Give him some bakin' soda and buttermilk!

  Jed Clampett : Make sure and get the jug with the buttermilk. You give him some of Granny's corn squeezins, and he'll hiccup this house to a cinder.

• Jed Clampett : I'll get that college to make you a doctor if it takes ever cent I got.

  Daisy Moses : They offered to make me one. Even give me a test.

  Jed Clampett : They did?

  Daisy Moses : Asked me the craziest durn-fool questions you ever did hear, had me puttin' pegs in holes, lookin' at spilt ink, but I passed it!

  Jed Clampett : Good fer you.

  Daisy Moses : That's what I thought until they put me in that white doctor's coat. The crazy, durn-fool thing had sleeves that tied in the back.

  Jed Clampett : That makes no sense at all.

  Daisy Moses : If Jethro hadn't been there to rip it off of me, I'd still be tryin' to get out of it.