The Beverly Hillbillies (TV Series)

Doctor Jed Clampett (1964)

Richard St. John: Dean Cromwell

Quotes 

• Dean Cromwell : [Jed is asked to give an acceptance speech upon receiving his honorary degree]  You have an inspirational success story for those young people.

  Milburn Drysdale : I think just a simple thank-you would be best.

  Dean Cromwell : Nonsense, we all want to hear the inspiring story of how Mr. Clampett made his fortune.

  Jed Clampett : Well, I could tell 'em that. It's short. Ya see, Granny was honin' for some gopher gravy. I went down to the slough to shoot one, but just as I cut loose, that little varmint skedaddled, and oil come a oozin' outa that slough just like sorghum out of a leaky hog trough. That's how I made my fortune.

  Dean Cromwell : Perhaps a simple thank-you would be best.

• Daisy Moses : Are you the goomer who gives away doctor certificates?

  Dean Cromwell : What?

  Daisy Moses : Yep, it's you. I'll take one.

• Dean Cromwell : Will you please explain what this little woman wants?

  Jethro Bodine : Yessir, she wants folks to call her a doctor.

  Daisy Moses : And it's high time too.

  Dean Cromwell : Indeed it is.

  [picks up the phone] 

  Dean Cromwell : Get me Dr. Neimeyer in Psychiatry.