- Milburn Drysdale: [Jane Hathaway is sick at home and Mr. Drysdale is phoning to ask her to come back to work. Only his side of the conversation is heard] Ms. Hathaway, how can you do this to me? Now, now you know the bankers' convention is in town and I'm making the keynote speech.
- [sputtering]
- Milburn Drysdale: Well, well, well, you haven't finished writing it for me! Now listen, couldn't, couldn't you come in today and be sick tomorrow? Huh? 103 fever? Well, I'll, I'll, I'll turn on the air conditioning!
- Daisy Moses: I just heard that Jane Hathaway is sick a-bed and I wanna cook her up a nice big pot of chicken broth.
- Elly May Clampett: [shocked] Granny! You ain't fixin' to cook Earl?
- [the rooster]
- Daisy Moses: Oh, of course not, Elly, but I figgered you could turn him loose in the neighborhood and he just might bring home a plump little hen.
- Elly May Clampett: Well Granny, I don't reckon Earl wants you to cook none of his sweethearts neither.
- Jethro Bodine: That was written by Abraham Lincoln, the president that whupped the South.
- Daisy Moses: South was not whupped!
- Jethro Bodine: Granny, General Lee surrendered to General Grant.
- Daisy Moses: He did not! General Lee figgered that Grant was a blacksmith and he handed him his sword so he could sharpen it. And don't you ever forget it!
- Bob Billington: But sir, you're my idol.
- Milburn Drysdale: Well, you're pretty idle yourself. Now get back to your cage and do some work.