- Jed Clampett: Mrs Drysdale is what city folks calls a... what was it her husband called her Granny?
- Daisy Moses: A hypochondriac.
- Jed Clampett: Yeah, that means she drinks a little.
- Daisy Moses: A little? Her own husband said her bedroom was full o' bottles.
- Jed Clampett: This here is Jed Clampett. I'd like to buy some stock.
- telephone operator's supervisor: Do you know the number you wish to reach?
- Jed Clampett: Well that's more or less up to the animals.
- Elly May Clampett: Mrs. Drysdale must be in terrible shape, fightin' mean, scratchin' an clawin' people an everything.
- Daisy Moses: How do you know?
- Elly May Clampett: I heard her yellin' clean from upstairs. She says,"Marie, Marie, come and get clawed." Sure enough, pretty soon, this poor girl come a runnin' down and yellin' "Take me to the doctor, I got clawed."
- [Claude is Mrs. Drysdale's dog]
- Jane Hathaway: I'm taking a bikini to Palm Springs.
- Jethrine Bodine: Is that faster than a train?
- Jane Hathaway: Jethro, you dear naive boy, you shall see when we go swimming. You Tarzan, me Jane.
- Jethrine Bodine: No Ma'am, I'm Jethro Bodine.
- Jane Hathaway: Under my tutelage, you shall become an educated man of letters. Some day, I shall introduce you as Jethro Bodine, B.A, M.A, PHD.
- Jethrine Bodine: Awful smart woman, but that ain't the way you spell Bodine.