- Milburn Drysdale: Oh, I had a wonderful dream. I was all alone with Gina Lollobrigida.
- Jane Hathaway: Chief!
- Milburn Drysdale: And she made a half million dollar deposit.
- Jethro Bodine: How soon will this mess be ready, Granny?
- Daisy Moses: What did you call my vittles?
- Jethro Bodine: Oh, that's military talk. When us officers eat, we call it a mess and this here is a mess hall.
- Daisy Moses: He's got so much book learnin' in his head now, there's no room left in it for any sense.
- Jed Clampett: But this is a military school. A little taste of army life ain't gonna hurt him.
- Daisy Moses: That boy never took a Little taste of nuthin'.
- Captain Hogan: I'll take charge and deploy my men on the defense perimeter. We're expecting the offensive to begin at exactly fifteen hundred hours.
- Daisy Moses: Poor little fella, ain't even old enough to tell time.