The Beverly Hillbillies (TV Series)

Shorty Kellems Moves West (1969)

Shug Fisher: Shorty Kellems

Quotes 

• Milburn Drysdale : Mr. Kellums, where did you get this big money?

  Shorty Kellems : Took it outta my silver mine.

  Milburn Drysdale : You own a silver mine?

  Shorty Kellems : I did. Sold out to a Syndicate.

  Milburn Drysdale : After you took out a fortune?

  Shorty Kellems : You betcha.

  Milburn Drysdale : Millions?

  Shorty Kellems : Couple of hundred.

• Shorty Kellems : Jed, you forgettin' we was boys together. We run in a pretty fast crowd and you was the fastest.

  Jed Clampett : Me?

  Shorty Kellems : You was the wildest girl-chasin'est rascal in the whole county.

  Jed Clampett : I was not!

  Shorty Kellems : Somebody in our crowd was.

  Jed Clampett : How about you?

  Shorty Kellems : That's who it was!

• Shorty Kellems : This is the money I got from the silver mine. Sold out to a Syndicate from Reed Springs. Fred Syndicate.

  Jed Clampett : I don't believe I know Fred.

  Shorty Kellems : He'll make a fortune outta that silver mine. Plans to hide a still in there and sell moonshine.

  Daisy Moses : Shorty, did you ever take any silver outta that mine?

  Shorty Kellems : Just once. Found a spoon somebody dropped.

• Patricia Switzer : I'm sorry. Mr. Drysdale's wild Hollywood parties are for depositors only.

  Jeanne Leeds : Pat, where are you going with this darling man? He's coming to the party, isn't he?

  Patricia Switzer : I'm afraid not, Jeanne.

  Jeanne Leeds : Oh, that's awful. There are so many of us girls. Why, he'd be practically the only man there. He's so cute too.

  Patricia Switzer : I'm sorry, but he just doesn't keep his money in our bank.

  Shorty Kellems : Yes I do! Yes I do! I'm goin' home and get it right now!

• Mrs. Margaret Drysdale : Did I hear you say there's going to be a wild Hollywood party at Mr. Drysdale's bank?

  Shorty Kellems : Yes mum. A regular orgy.

  Mrs. Margaret Drysdale : That interests me.

  Shorty Kellems : I'm sorry, I can't invite you. But you see, it's Mr. Drysdale's party and he kinda likes his women, um, young and flashy, like them two in the car, a couple of dandies. The bank is just crawlin' with fillies like that.

  Mrs. Margaret Drysdale : I find this absolutely fascinating.

  Shorty Kellems : Don't get yer hopes up, but I'll put in a word for ya. What's yer name?

  Mrs. Margaret Drysdale : Mrs. Drysdale!

  Shorty Kellems : Forget it. He wouldn't want his mother there.