- Jed Clampett: [about Johnny Poke] The boy used to lay around the cabin so much, his Ma had to dust him.
- Jed Clampett: [about Johnny Poke] That boy tramples on the truth worse than he did back home. He was such a liar then, he used to have to get somebody else to call his dog fer him.
- Jed Clampett: You're a young lady now. I want you to act like one and look like one. Go put on a dress.
- Elly May Clampett: Why Johnny wouldn't even know me with a dress on.
- Jed Clampett: I'll introduce you. Now scoot.
- Johnny Poke: [Johnny has to write a letter to his ma] Honey, I don't write so good.
- Elly May Clampett: I'll write it fer you. Tell me what to say.
- Johnny Poke: [Johnny stands behind Elly May and smells her hair] Oh baby!
- Elly May Clampett: To your ma?