The Beverly Hillbillies (TV Series)

The Clampetts Get Culture (1963)

Buddy Ebsen: Jed Clampett

Quotes 

• Jethro Bodine : Uncle Jed, Granny, Looky here what I got. I just captured me the first prisoner.

  Jed Clampett : Turn her loose!

  Jethro Bodine : But she's one of the bank people! Maybe she can get our money for us.

  Granny : Can you?

  Janet Trego : No I can't!

  Jane Hathaway : I can Jethro, capture me!

• Jed Clampett : Yonder comes Mrs. Drysdale and she's fetchin a present.

  [Mrs. Drysdale arrives with a baby goat] 

  Jed Clampett : Good mornin' Mrs. Drysdale.

  Mrs. Margaret Drysdale : Will you please take this animal and keep it here!

  Jed Clampett : Well thank you very kindly.

  Mrs. Margaret Drysdale : And will you please tell Elly May we have a pet ordinance!

  Jed Clampett : Oh I'd rather not, she'll be wantin' one.

• Milburn Drysdale : [Milburn tells the Italian tailor to measure jed for a suit] 

  Milburn Drysdale : Measure him up for a vestito nuovo

  Italian Tailor : Oh si, si.

  Italian Tailor : [starts measuring Jed] 

  Jed Clampett : Little man, if you fixin' to tie me up, that ain't enough rope and you ain't enough man.

• Granny : You can't get acquainted with these folks out here. I've been tryin' all mornin'. I put on my friendly hat, brung out my rocker and a jug of hard cider, and I've been settin' here wavin' and hollerin' at folks and pointin' to my jug.

  Jed Clampett : And nobody stopped?

  Granny : Only a policeman. That's where my jug went. He took it to the police station.

  Jed Clampett : I bet you got a bunch of friends down there by now.

• Jed Clampett : [singing to Millicent Schuyler-Potts]  Oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Millicent/Just to see me every evening to such trouble you have went/ I', a man and you're a woman you yourself did up and say/ Now you got my heart to wonderin' are you the ma for Elly May.

• Jethro Bodine : Somethin' go wrong with the bridge game?

  Elly May Clampett : Sho'nuff did! Granny got riled and busted it up.

  Jed Clampett : What riled you, Granny?

  Granny : Well first off, them other women wanted me to put my cards down on the table so all of them could see 'em.

  Jed Clampett : That don't hardly seem fair.

  Granny : Of course it don't and when I asked them why, they said, "Because you're the dummy."