The Beverly Hillbillies (TV Series)

The Clampetts and the Dodgers (1963)

Buddy Ebsen: Jed Clampett

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jed Clampett : The way I got it figgered, when the golf comes out of his hole to get his eggs back, you shoot him.

• Jed Clampett : Accordin' to Mr. Drysdale, we're gonna be shootin' some game called golf.

  Daisy Moses : What in tarnation is a golf?

  Jed Clampett : Well, I don't rightly know, Granny, but they must be thicker 'n crows in a corn pasture around here cuz Mr. Drysdale says everybody in Beverly Hills shoots 'em.

  Daisy Moses : Ain't never seen no strange critters runnin' around. They must live in holes in the ground, like a gopher.

  Jed Clampett : Yeah, I reckon maybe you're right. Just the other day I heard him say he shot 9 holes of golf and got 57.

• Jethro Bodine : Jethro, I think you was right about those golfs bein' birds.

  Jethro Bodine : I was?

  Jed Clampett : Yeah, when I come out here, I seen some people take 2 little white eggs outta that hole over yonder.

• Jethro Bodine : Oh, here's somethin' else Mr. Drysdale sent over.

  [he opens a box of golf shoes with cleats] 

  Jed Clampett : By doggies, Jethro, them golfs must be the toughest little critters there is. First you shoot 'em, then you club 'em, then you stomp 'em with spikes.

  Elly May Clampett : That ain't all. Miss Jane says to me she says, "When your Pa and Jethro go out to shoot, tell 'em to watch out for the traps."

  Jed Clampett : Traps too? Oooh I can't wait to tangle with one of them golfs.