- Elly May Clampett: Lance is what you call an Ace. That means he's been in lots of dogfights.
- Jed Clampett: Oh, my nephew, Jethro's been in a few of them.
- Lance Bradford: Really?
- Jed Clampett: Yeah, last one he had was a doozy.
- Lance Bradford: Tell me, what did he tangle with? A Russian MIG?
- Jed Clampett: No, it was a French Poodle
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: What's the use of trying to talk to you people? You're illiterate cretins!
- Daisy Moses: Was that good or bad?
- Jethro Bodine: Hard to tell. It could go either way.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: I'm warning you, stay away from Lance Bradford. He's my brother's only son. My blood flows in his veins!
- Daisy Moses: Well let go, or it'll flow down your chin.