- Topanga Lawrence: [realizes Shawn is looking at her behind] What are you staring at?
- Shawn Hunter: Uhmm... nothing. New blouse?
- Topanga Lawrence: Yeah, I got it over the summer.
- Shawn Hunter: [checking out Topanga] Summer was... very good to you.
- Topanga Lawrence: Yeah, well at least what I grew is real.
- [rips off Shawn's fake sideburns]
- Cory: [in the principal's office] All I wanted was to be liked, now my name is Johnny Baboon; at least my life can't get any worse.
- Mr. George Feeny: [turns from his desk chair] Wrong again... Mr. Baboon.
- Cory: MR. FEENY!
- Mr. George Feeny: The legend continues.
- Cory: How can this be? You're only temporary, right? You don't have the full authority to authorize detention or caning, right?
- Mr. George Feeny: Oh, the school board in its infinite wisdom has seen fit to give me full authority.
- Harvey 'Harley' Keiner: What's your name, kid?
- Cory: Cory Matthews.
- Harvey 'Harley' Keiner: Nah, that's a poofy name. If you're gonna hang with me, you've got to have a name that inspires fear and respect. Let me look at you. I've got it. From now on, you are JOHNNY BABOON.
- Mr. George Feeny: Well Mr. Matthews, why don't we treat this little rendezvous as a dress rehersal for the many visits we will endoubtly have this year.
- Cory: Huh?
- Mr. George Feeny: Get out of my face.
- Cory: Sure, my next class is American History with Mr, Um... Feeny... Mr... Fay... ayy
- [the bell rings]
- Mr. George Feeny: You're late!
- Shawn Hunter: Why did we have to leave the old school? I was so cool in the old school. They had no right to pass me. I am an idiot.
- Eric Matthews: Make this quick.
- Cory Matthews: Help!
- Eric Matthews: How could you possibly get into this much trouble on the first day?
- Eric Matthews: It didn't take me the whole day!
- [Mr. Turner sees a comic book on Cory's desk]
- Jonathan Turner: What is that, X-Men?
- Cory Matthews: No, it's... ..
- Jonathan Turner: [interrupts Cory as he pulls the comic book from his desk] What, I don't know X-Men when I see it? It's a great issue, wasn't it?
- Cory Matthews: [shocked] You read X-Men?
- Jonathan Turner: Do I read X-Men? Fantasy worlds, epic heroism. Yeah, I read X-Men. In fact, let's all read X-Men. Your assignment is to read The Odyssey and this issue of X-Men.
- Cory Matthews: Finally! A cool teacher.
- Jonathan Turner: My friend, Mr. Matthews, will lead the discussion on the similarities and the differences.
- Cory Matthews: [to Shawn] Feeny with an earring.
- Alan Matthews: Cory, let's go! You wanna be late for your first day of high school?
- Amy Matthews: Alan, don't yell at him. He's probably a nervous wreck.
- Cory Matthews: [Jumping down the stairs] Hey, Mom! Hey, Dad! How ya doing? Hey, Morgan, lookin' short!
- Morgan Matthews: Go back to camp, loser.
- Amy Matthews: Cor, you're not...
- Cory Matthews: A nervous wreck? No, because I know my place. I understand where I am in the high school universe. See, I'm starting off a nothing - a zero.
- Morgan Matthews: A big booger.
- Cory Matthews: You know how you tell me, the earlier I do my homework, the better I'll know the stuff?
- Amy Matthews: You've done homework?
- Cory Matthews: It's a metaphor. But all summer long, I bugged Eric about what high school's gonna be like. And I took notes.
- Alan Matthews: Ooh impressive.
- Cory Matthews: Thank you. So, how do I avoid years and years of abuse and humiliation?
- Alan Matthews: Don't get married.
- [Amy smacks him on the back of the head]
- Alan Matthews: It's a metaphor.
- Harvey 'Harley' Keiner: So, Johnny, I just wanted to thank you for the chance of meeting our new school principal and getting detention all week with my good friend, Marion.
- Cory Matthews: I'm very, very sorry.
- Harvey 'Harley' Keiner: Oh, think nothing of it. By the way, Johnny B., do you think you could meet me in the senior bathroom, say around 3:00?
- Cory Matthews: Sure. What for, gang pictures?
- Harvey 'Harley' Keiner: No, when I get through killing you, you won't be so photogenic.
- Cory Matthews: You're gonna kill me?
- Harvey 'Harley' Keiner: Oh, yeah oh, yeah. I really, really, really am. But not until 3:00. Enjoy your lunch.
- Cory Matthews: Mr. Turner, you know that book you gave us, The Odyssey?
- Jonathan Turner: Yeah.
- Cory Matthews: Did the guy in that get home alive?
- Jonathan Turner: Yes, he did. He gets past the Cyclops, the evil sirens and the clashing rocks.
- Cory Matthews: Did he go to this high school?
- Jonathan Turner: No.
- Cory Matthews: He's a nothing.
- Mr. Stimpleman: What's your name?
- Cory: Johnny Baboon
- Mr. Stimpleman: Are you making fun of me? Nobody makes fun of Marion Stimpleman
- Harvey 'Harley' Keiner: [mockingly] MARION!, what did I do?
- Mr. Stimpleman: You were with him, Keiner. You just need to pick your friends better.
- Mr. George Feeny: Well Mr. Stimpleman, what exactly did Mr. Matthews do?
- Mr. Stimpleman: Get on my nerves
- Mr. George Feeny: I can not possibly imagine
- Harvey 'Harley' Keiner: Who're you?
- Jonathan Turner: Your worst nightmare, I'm the new teacher.
- Harvey 'Harley' Keiner: Teacher, right, that's why I don't recognize you.
- Jonathan Turner: Let me introduce myself, Jonathan Turner, English lit and kickboxing.