Boy Meets World (TV Series)

Pairing Off (1994)

Ben Savage: Cory Matthews

Quotes 

• Eric Matthews : I'm gonna kill you.

  Cory Matthews : I have you.

  Eric Matthews : I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna bring you back to life, and I'm gonna kill you again.

  Cory Matthews : I have you.

  Eric Matthews : What? What do you have? You have what I have... nothing!

  Cory Matthews : You, my boy, were in Mom and Dad's bed. Oh, ho-ho-ho. What was that, the sound of power suddenly shifting?

  Eric Matthews : Nothing happened.

  Cory Matthews : Yeah, and it didn't happen in Mom and Dad's bed. I have you. I have you by your ovaries.

• Topanga : [Cory is trying very hard to run his fingers through his hair to attract girls]  Cory, what is it?

  Cory : You were just drawn to me, weren't you?

  Topanga : No, I thought you had head lice.

• Cory Matthews : Topanga! Topanga, my honey. May I call you honey?

  Topanga Lawrence : No.

  Cory Matthews : Topanga, my girl, my friend, my girly friend. Believe me, I don't want this any more than you do, but everybody around here is pairing off, and I think you and I should spare ourselves a lot of uncoolness and walk through life together.

  Topanga Lawrence : Cory, my dear little butthead... May I call you butthead?

  Cory Matthews : Sure.

  Topanga Lawrence : I can't walk through life with you.

  Cory Matthews : Is there someone else?

  Topanga Lawrence : There's everybody else.

• Cory : Tell me how you do it.

  Eric Matthews : What I was doing with Rebecca?

  Cory : No, no, what you were doing with Rebecca, I don't have the lung capacity for that.

• Cory Matthews : [Two students are making out in the hallway]  Mr. Feeny, shouldn't you break them up or hose them down or something?

  George Feeny : Oh, I wouldn't interrupt their tryst, Mr. Matthews. They're both A-minus students and happily struck by Cupid.

  Cory Matthews : So, if they were C-minus students, you wouldn't let them kiss?

  George Feeny : School policy, don't you know.

  Cory Matthews : So I can't kiss?

  George Feeny : With your grades, Mr. Matthews, you can't even shake hands.

• Ms. Kelly : Can you tell us anything about ovulation or how pregnancy occurs?

  Cory Matthews : Well, the man's got the sperm, and the woman's got the egg. Now, once a month, an egg slides down the Philippine tube towards the uterus. The first sperm to reach the egg wins, it gets a medal, it's born, you name him Cory, you push him out the door, and nothing make sense for the rest of his life.

  Ms. Kelly : Congratulations. You seem to have a thorough understanding of the life cycle.

  Cory Matthews : Hey, I live it.

  Ms. Kelly : Do you have any questions?

  Cory Matthews : Yeah. How do you get a girl to say 'hi'?

• Shawn Hunter : Stop obsessing, man. You're gonna pop a lobe.

  Cory Matthews : You're right. I should relax, 'cause this coupling thing, it's just a phase. I mean, how long can it last... a few weeks?

  Jonathan Turner : [Enters walking with Ms. Kelly]  The cafeteria's right this way. They know me there. I'll get us a good table.

  Ms. Kelly : You would do that for me?

  Jonathan Turner : Oh, yeah. I'm very tight with Bertha, the lunchroom lady. Yeah, I once rescued a dolphin from her hair net.

  Cory Matthews : OK, maybe it'll last a few years.

  George Feeny : [Enters walking with an older, female teacher]  Yes, I'm acting principal now, and the pressures would be daunting for a man half my age. Fortunately I have a vitality that belies my years.

  Cory Matthews : I'm the only one who doesn't know how it's done.

• Jonathan Turner : So we find, in Fielding's novel, the character Tom Jones is absolutely irresistible to women. Isn't that right, Matthews?

  Cory Matthews : Uh, yeah, that's right.

  Jonathan Turner : What's right?

  Cory Matthews : What you just said.

  Jonathan Turner : What'd I just say?

  Cory Matthews : You weren't listening, either?

  Jonathan Turner : Matthews, keep your head facing this way. Shawn, tell your buddy what I was saying.

  Shawn Hunter : Uh, he was saying, "Matthews, you're not listening."

  Jonathan Turner : Thank you. Did either of you guys do the reading assignment?

  Cory Matthews : Some of it.

  Jonathan Turner : What did you read?

  Cory Matthews : I read the page you handed us with the reading assignment on it.

  [bell rings] 

  Jonathan Turner : Yay! Yay!

• [Cory walks in Eric and Rebecca making out on Amy and Alan's bed] 

  Eric Matthews : Cory, we're studying.

  Cory Matthews : So am I.

• Ms. Kelly : All right, the name of the place where the eggs are stored.

  Cory Matthews : What are the gonads?

  Ms. Kelly : No, sorry. I was looking for, what are the ovaries?

  Cory Matthews : Oh, the o... Yeah, I always mix those two up.

  Ms. Kelly : Try not to. Your future will be brighter.

• Cory Matthews : But if I can't use Eric's method, then how do I get a girl to say hi?

  Alan Matthews : Cory...

  Cory Matthews : Yeah?

  Alan Matthews : What did you know about girls before your brother's excellent advice?

  Cory Matthews : I didn't know anything.

  Alan Matthews : Why don't you just go with that?

• Cory : So, uh, what do you want to talk about?

  Wendy Jansen : Well, um, do you know my name?

  Cory : Uh...

  Wendy Jansen : It's Wendy.

  Cory : Wendy. Wendy?

  Wendy Jansen : Yeah?

  Cory : Hi.

  Wendy Jansen : Hi.

• Cory : Fine. No girls for me. I'll just study and get good grades and get smart and become a famous scientist, and then I'll build a wife.

• Cory Matthews : Nobody told me about this girl thing, Shawn. I mean, no one warned me. I thought they were just there. I didn't know they were interactive.

• Alan Matthews : Eric, Eric, you are in so deep.

  Eric Matthews : Dad, I'm sorry. I mean, I'm really, really s...

  Alan Matthews : [He covers Eric's mouth with his hand, shutting him up]  You know, for thousands of years, fathers have said to their sons, "Don't rush into sex," and the sons have always said, "Yeah, sure. OK." I didn't understand my father till this very moment, and you won't understand me till you're a father, which won't be for a very long time!

  Cory Matthews : Dad?

  Alan Matthews : Learn her name!

  Cory Matthews : Yes, sir.

  Alan Matthews : As for you...

  Eric Matthews : Rebecca. Her name was Rebecca.

• Cory : All right, first you pick a girl, any girl.

  Amy Matthews : Just any-ol-body.

  Cory : Yeah. Then you pretend you're interested in her. Now you don't really have to be interested in her. I thought you did, but Eric said it wasn't necessary.

  Eric Matthews : Ring!

  Amy Matthews : That's what you told him?

  Eric Matthews : What? Does it matter what I told him? I'm dead.

  Amy Matthews : You had the big sex talk with him two years ago. What did you tell him?

  Alan Matthews : Not that! How can you think I'd tell him that?

  Amy Matthews : Alan, I'm not accusing you.

  Alan Matthews : Yes, you are. You're accusing me of this, and yet you refuse to accuse me of having an affair. That hurts.

  Amy Matthews : Cory, I know you look up to your brother, but I want you to go to your father for advice on this subject. Eric has some explaining to do about his own behavior with girls lately.

  Cory : I know.

  Amy Matthews : What do you know?

  Cory : Pretty much everything. I kind of walked in on them.

  Eric Matthews : [singing]  Amazing grace...