Boy Meets World (TV Series)
Pairing Off (1994)
William Russ: Alan Matthews
Quotes
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Eric Matthews : Hello.
Alan Matthews : You want to tell us anything?
Eric Matthews : Uh... not yet.
[Amy holds up the earring]
Eric Matthews : Now I got something to tell you.
Amy Matthews : We found this in our bed. What was it you wanted to tell us?
Eric Matthews : I just wanted to say, "Happy Birthday, Mom." The other one's on layaway. Nothing happened between me and Rebecca, if that's what you're thinking.
Amy Matthews : Why should we believe that nothing happened?
Eric Matthews : Look at my face. Do I look happy?
Alan Matthews : [looks at Eric closely] Nothing happened.
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Cory Matthews : But if I can't use Eric's method, then how do I get a girl to say hi?
Alan Matthews : Cory...
Cory Matthews : Yeah?
Alan Matthews : What did you know about girls before your brother's excellent advice?
Cory Matthews : I didn't know anything.
Alan Matthews : Why don't you just go with that?
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Alan Matthews : What's the matter?
Amy Matthews : Nothing's the matter.
Alan Matthews : Yeah, you got your, uh... floor-length flannel armor on there.
Amy Matthews : This happens to be very comfortable.
Alan Matthews : Mm-hmm. Well, you're looking positively Amish.
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Alan Matthews : Eric, Eric, you are in so deep.
Eric Matthews : Dad, I'm sorry. I mean, I'm really, really s...
Alan Matthews : [He covers Eric's mouth with his hand, shutting him up] You know, for thousands of years, fathers have said to their sons, "Don't rush into sex," and the sons have always said, "Yeah, sure. OK." I didn't understand my father till this very moment, and you won't understand me till you're a father, which won't be for a very long time!
Cory Matthews : Dad?
Alan Matthews : Learn her name!
Cory Matthews : Yes, sir.
Alan Matthews : As for you...
Eric Matthews : Rebecca. Her name was Rebecca.
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Amy Matthews : Whose earring is this?
Alan Matthews : Well, it's not yours?
Amy Matthews : No.
Alan Matthews : Well, I-I-I have no idea. Honestly, i don't know who-whose earring that is.
Amy Matthews : Alan, sweetheart, i'm not accusing you.
Alan Matthews : Why not?
Amy Matthews : I know you're not having an affair.
Alan Matthews : Oh, you think I'm safe? You think other women aren't attracted to me?
Amy Matthews : I haven't said anything.
Alan Matthews : And, boy, are you oh so wrong. Just today at the store, this slim little blonde with a low-cut dress, she came up to me and asked me if the bread was fresh.
Amy Matthews : Alan, sweetheart, I know there are still many women that still are attracted to you.
Alan Matthews : You don't sound very threatened.
Amy Matthews : I'm threatened. I know I could lose you at any moment.
[blows]
Alan Matthews : Oh, stop that.
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Cory : All right, first you pick a girl, any girl.
Amy Matthews : Just any-ol-body.
Cory : Yeah. Then you pretend you're interested in her. Now you don't really have to be interested in her. I thought you did, but Eric said it wasn't necessary.
Eric Matthews : Ring!
Amy Matthews : That's what you told him?
Eric Matthews : What? Does it matter what I told him? I'm dead.
Amy Matthews : You had the big sex talk with him two years ago. What did you tell him?
Alan Matthews : Not that! How can you think I'd tell him that?
Amy Matthews : Alan, I'm not accusing you.
Alan Matthews : Yes, you are. You're accusing me of this, and yet you refuse to accuse me of having an affair. That hurts.
Amy Matthews : Cory, I know you look up to your brother, but I want you to go to your father for advice on this subject. Eric has some explaining to do about his own behavior with girls lately.
Cory : I know.
Amy Matthews : What do you know?
Cory : Pretty much everything. I kind of walked in on them.
Eric Matthews : [singing] Amazing grace...