- Liz Garcia, RN: You know, most headaches come from tension and nerves. And if you've got the tension to come to me, I've got the nerve to help you!
- Ed Brown: [Speaking about Pepe] He doesn't need a "seeing eye" dog! He's got "seeing eye" hands!
- Chico Rodriguez: Listen, Pepe, take my word for it. From the neck down, she's just like any other girl.
- Pepe Fernando: Well, that's good enough for me!
- Pepe Fernando: [Speaking to Liz] I get these headaches. I don't know what to do for them.
- Ed Brown: I'll tell you what to do. Do the same thing I do.
- Pepe Fernando: What's that?
- Ed Brown: I take a beaker of bourbon every hour. After two hours, my headache is still there, but I'm gone.
- Pepe Fernando: [after hearing Liz sing terribly off-key] Well, who's this girl with the fabulous voice?
- Ed Brown: [to Chico] I thought you said there was nothing wrong with his hearing?
- Ed Brown: Well, Pepe needs a new chauffeur. He wants somebody to drive his car for the next six months. Would you be interested?
- Liz Garcia, RN: Drive his car? I have just spent a full year preparing myself to be worthy of the high profession of the nurse. A healer, dedicated to the practice of the medical arts, and devoted to the sacred duties of relieving the sick and afflicted. What could make me forget all that and become a chauffeur?
- Ed Brown: Pays, $300 a week.
- Liz Garcia, RN: [Turning quickly to look at Pepe] Where are the keys?
- Liz Garcia, RN: [Looking under the hood of Pepe's car, with Chico, and pointing] That's the fan belt.
- Chico Rodriguez: No, That's the shaft. And you gave me that, already.