- Jim: [a camera flash has gone off during Jim's routine] I'll come round your house and take your picture while you're performing!
- Jim: Before we start, I'd just like to sort out the sound, cause have you noticed that no one knows exactly what they're doing on this show, which makes it fantastic - including the band!
- [Turns to the band]
- Jim: Okay, lads?
- [turns back towards the audience]
- Jim: Have you noticed they're all getting pisseder by the minute, arn't they? So just for the sound department, can you turn the sound up a little bit? And I'll
- [Pulls the cover of the microphone]
- Jim: take this off, cause I'm a Catholic!
- [Audience laughs]
- Jim: We have a new boss here at the BBC, upstairs. there's lady bosses now. There's sort of... the bosses floor is called the Women's Institute!
- [Gentle laughter]
- Jim: Yes, the Women's Institute have been a little worried about what I'm going to talk about, so they've given me one of these state of the art microphones, seriously, and in here, has got a silicone chip, that records what I say, edits out the words that they put in, key words, like bum... that one's alright, and then edits it out, and you get it a millisecond later. You don't believe a
- [Mouths a rude word]
- Jim: word I'm saying, do ya?
- [Howls of laughter and applause]
- Jim: There was going to be a sort of phone in vote, to see how filthy I could get, and be taken off the television!