- Julian: Look here, I think it's a darn right shame that our heritage is being bought up by people like you who can't even speak the Queen's English.
- Red: Listen bud, if we hadn't come over and saved you limeys during the war there wouldn't be any goddam Queen's English!
- Dick: Yes, well we think it's a pity the Nazis didn't win actually because at least they cared about racial purity and they didn't litter the countryside with bubble gum wrappers!
- Anne: Gosh, Isn't it sad to think there are people in the world who are starving?
- George: Yes I suppose it is, but if they didn't breed like rabbits there'd be more to go round
- Anne: Yes that's true
- Julian: Mind you, half of them die in childbirth so it must all even out in the end, I suppose.
- Anne: Oh dear, I do wish there was something we could do to help
- Dick: Poor old Anne, just like a girl to get het up on world problems on a lovely day like this
- George: Well it doesn't worry me
- Julian: I agree with Dick, Africa's miles away from here, come on let's enjoy the hols.
- Newsreader: Here is an important news flash. Uncle Quentin, the well known scientist and homosexual, has escaped from prison. So far the police have found no trace of him, although they are known to be carrying out enquiries at public schools in the area.
- Willy: Listen here, I'm going to spend Pop's money on a decent public school education like you folks. Then I'm going to buy my way into Congress and bring back the electric chair!
- Red: Right Mr Knuckles, lets load up this huge consignment of secret packages.
- Mr. Knuckles: Righty-ho Red, but this time I want more money, you hear? More money.
- Red: You've been paid for your dirty work, Mr Knuckles, just get this stuff to Love island like the boss told ya.
- Mr. Knuckles: Don't you worry about that Red, diplomatic relations is my game.
- Red: That's as maybe, just don't double-cross me like last time, that's all.
- Dick: What do you think they're up to?
- Julian: Well it's not farm work, I'll be bound.
- Mr. Knuckles: This must be the most evil bit of business I've ever done, Red.
- Red: Well mind you don't scarper before the job's finished, that's all.
- Mr. Knuckles: Don't you worry about that Red, I'm up to my greedy neck in this racket.
- Red: You'd better do what I'm telling you Ma, or it's gonna be the worst for ya.
- [Punching sound]
- Mrs. French: [Screams] You were a good son once, now you've fallen into bad company.
- Red: Never mind all that, all I care about is selling the family farm, and taking all the money.
- George: Shall we knock?
- Julian: Not yet.
- Mrs. French: You were such a lovely baby.
- Red: [shouting] Shut up!
- [Punching sound]
- Mrs. French: Aaagh!
- Red: You sell up everything like I'm saying, or else! I'm going off gambling now, so don't wait up for me.
- [Sees the Famous Five]
- Red: Oh God, what's all this?
- Julian: Good afternoon, I hope we're not disturbing you, but we're The Famous Five and we're here to stay for a fortnight's farm holiday.
- Red: Oh well I'm very sorry Mr Famous Five, but I'm afraid your lovely farm holiday has just been cancelled, so piss off, and don't interfere in my secret arrangements.
- Mrs. French: Oh don't mind him dear, he's drunk, that's all. Do come in, I expect you'd like to start stuffing yourselves right away, don't you?
- George, Julian, Anne, Dick: Rather!
- Mrs. French: Well, your Aunt Fanny did write to me about your excessive gluttony, so I've prepared you a meal that would kill an elephant.
- George, Julian, Anne, Dick: Hurrah!