- Suzanne Sugarbaker: [to Anthony] Don't forget to stop by and take care of Noel.
- Anthony Bouvier: Suzanne, let me ask you something. In all the times that you've gone out of town, have I ever forgotten to feed your pig?
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: No, but she has kind of a new routine, and I don't want you upsetting it.
- Anthony Bouvier: What routine?
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Every night we drive around the loop with the top down, and then I put the top up and we stop by the Dairy Queen and she gets a Buster Bar, and then we go home.
- Anthony Bouvier: I'll feed her, I'll bathe her, I'll even walk her -- but I'm not taking a pig to the Dairy Queen!
- Ursula: [Ursula walks into the dining room where Suzanne is alone] Oh, good morning. I was just gonna get the guys up for a run.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Oh no, I wouldn't do that. Why don't you sit down? Ursula, I'm a very direct person, so I'm just gonna cut right to the chase.
- Ursula: Alright.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: When we came down here to Florida with the children, we were hoping this would be a wonderful vacation but so far, it hasn't been.
- Ursula: Oh? Did I do something wrong?
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Well, no, not exactly. It's just that this is a small condo, you're a big girl, and quite frankly, you're just bothering the heck out of people.
- Ursula: I'm sorry. I never meant to bother anyone.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Oh, I think, deep down, you might have enjoyed it just a little.
- Ursula: Why do you say that?
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Because, if I were you -- and in many ways I am -- I would have enjoyed it.
- Ursula: I've tried to be unobtrusive.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Ursula, let's get serious. This is not an unobtrusive outfit. I mean, these are not clothes that scream "Yes! My job is taking care of small children!"
- Ursula: Well, I could go change.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: No, no. I don't think that would help. I think you're one of those people who's... too much.
- Ursula: Too much?
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Yes. Julia and Charlene and Mary Jo would never tell you so -- they're too nice, but I can tell you because... I'm too much too.
- Ursula: I'm sorry. I just don't know what you mean.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: I mean, your smile is too big, your heart is too big, and quite frankly, your breasts are too big.
- Ursula: What are you saying?
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: I'm saying I want you to take your big knockers and hit the road if you wouldn't mind.
- Ursula: Well, I guess there's only room for one queen bee around here.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: That's right. And I'm afraid I'm it.
- Ursula: I admire your directness.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: I thought you would.
- Ursula: Well, I'll just be getting my things.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: I'll write you a check. And don't worry. I won't tell anyone about our little talk. I'll just say that you were called home to Denmark.
- Ursula: Right.
- [leaves the room]
- Mary Jo Shively: [the ladies discuss Ursula taking their men's attention] Well, I don't know if we could compete with her even if we wanted to.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Speak for yourself.
- Mary Jo Shively: Suzanne, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I saw her bra hanging on the towel rack in the bathroom.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: So?
- Mary Jo Shively: So you are not top dog anymore.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: How do you know?
- Mary Jo Shively: Because -- I can get my whole head in one side of hers.
- Charlene Frazier Stillfield: Mary Jo! You put her bra on your head?
- Mary Jo Shively: I couldn't help it! You know how that fascinates me. Suzanne's cup fits me like a beanie, but Ursula's covered my whole face.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Well, Mary Jo. This just helps to point out the main problem that you people have that I've been talking about. You are not competitive! I mean, here you have this gorgeous girl who gets up at 5:30, cooks your boyfriend's breakfast, then goes jogging with him. And what do you do? You're in the bathroom trying her brassiere on your head! I mean, you're as impressed with her as he is!
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: [putting her little tiara on her head and toasts toward the bedrooms] Well, girls... happy vacation!