- Suzanne Sugarbaker: I know the name of every man in this city who has money. I know the names of the men who are thinking about having money. As a matter of fact, I even know the names of little boys who are good at playing Monopoly. So don't be telling me about the men who have money in Atlanta, okay?
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: ...Julia are you kiddin'? If Reese Watson even thought of having a mistress, the very least you would do is blow up his car and burn his apartment to the ground.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Oh, Charlene, that reminds me. I saw two things on TV I gotta tell you about. Now first one is, there was a segment on the news about that league of breastfeeding people you like so much, you know, La Leaky.
- Charlene Frazier Stillfield: Suzanne, it's La Leche.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Oh, well. Whatever.
- Mary Jo Shively: What the heck is that stuff?
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: It's rice cakes. I started my diet last night.
- Mary Jo Shively: You put jelly on them?
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Yes. Do you have a problem with that?
- Mary Jo Shively: You've been on a diet for 12 hours, and already you're this cranky?
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Yes. As a matter of fact, after work, I'll probably be crashing my car into a Taco Bell. What's it to you?
- Mary Jo Shively: Nothing. I just hate it when you're on a diet.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Yeah, that's because you're little and tiny and cute. You never have to eat stuff like rice cakes. I oughta just cram this down your throat.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: [the ladies debate whether or not to take a job decorating for their client's mistress] I just hate men who think they can have their cake and eat it too. As a matter of fact, I just hate anyone who eats cake.
- Julia Sugarbaker: [the mistress asks "big, black, beautiful buck" Anthony if she can sculpt him] All right, that's it. Look, Ms. Langford.
- Gaby: Please, call me Gaby.
- Julia Sugarbaker: No, I won't call you Gaby. You haven't taken the time to learn any of our names.
- Gaby: Well, that's not so. I know Anthony.
- Julia Sugarbaker: That's right, you do. First, you kept us waiting for 35 minutes. And then when you decided you were bored enough to come downstairs, the only thing you've acted the least bit interested in is seducing our delivery man.
- Gaby: Seducing? If that's what you think I was doing, then obviously you don't have the artistic sensibility required to work with me.
- Julia Sugarbaker: No, Ms. Langford. What I don't have that's required to work with you is patience.
- Charlene Frazier Stillfield: Julia!
- Julia Sugarbaker: Because, quite frankly, I find you rude, horny, lazy and dumb.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Well, I just can't believe she's keepin us waiting so long. I mean, I have better things to do with my time than sitting around waiting for some concubine to fall outta bed. I mean, I could be home watching Green Acres.
- Mary Jo Shively: Suzanne...
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: WHAT?
- Mary Jo Shively: I think it's time for you to suck on some more sugarless candy.
- Suzanne Sugarbaker: Big, black beautiful buck. Hmph. I'm just gonna call the NAACP and turn her name in. I mean, that's a racial slur if I ever heard one.
- Mary Jo Shively: And you oughta know.