- Drake Parker: [talking to Josh about his crush] Good Luck with Kathy - and don't be nervous. She's just a person. I mean, girls are just guys without... Just do good.
- [Drake returns from The Brew Note amped up]
- Audrey Parker-Nichols: Um, while you were there, did you happen to DRINK any coffee?
- Drake Parker: No, a little, six cups, whydoyou ask?
- Drake Parker: I'm going to give you the Drake Parker Crash Course in How to Approach Girls
- Josh Nichols: I'll get a pen and some doodle paper.
- Drake Parker: Look, do you want to be honest or do you want a girlfriend?
- Josh Nichols: Girlfriend, please.
- Josh Nichols: It's like me and girls speak different languages. They speak English, I speak Idiot. I don't know, but my dad always says...
- Josh Nichols, Drake Parker: [together] "The most important thing to remember is always be yourself."
- Drake Parker: Unless you're Josh.