(this review has been awarded 5 stars by The Raven himself... Be warned)
There is one reason only to stay aboard this sinking ship. Sammy Jo, played by Heather Locklear. Indeed, all the other characters have lost their sparkle, they are all dull now. That became evident to me during the previous season, but then we had Amanda and Sammy Jo circling each other. Of course, I knew Catherine Oxenberg got the walking ticket, booted out because of having committed the ultimate sin in TVLand: expecting a pay rise from Mr. Aaron Spelling. Hey, she should have taken note of the fate of Farrah Fawcett-Majors. But the joke was on the producers, cause with Catherine gone, and yet ANOTHER IMPOSTOR in her place, this show looks about as exciting as stale bread. Oh, Heather's still in fine form, but I'm gonna have to suffer:
1) Diahann Carroll. Oh, how I wish it was her who asked for the pay-rise! But no such luck! The outsider character Dominique Devereaux continues to have her own show in the midst of the main story-line. Daughter Jackie got mysteriously burned, when rescued by Dex she was fine, in the hospital, she is a severe casualty.
2) Alexis the miserable old hag... Snap out of it, people, the witchy old woman, cut out only for Cruella Deville, was overrated from Day One. Now she is just vinegar and even less exciting than that to watch. Got no real fashion sense but everything that's spectacularly audacious and utterly unfitting for her age. An icon of her time for all the wrong reasons. To sour old aunties and gay men. That about sums it up.
3) IMPOSTOR #1, Emma Samms as Fallon. Still cannot achieve even being remotely worth Pamela Sue Martin's old shoes. I kinda pity her. She must know how inadequate she is. Surely she knows Fallon from Season One, that fiery wild equestrienne?
4) IMPOSTOR #2, Karen Cellini as Amanda. The last straw that finally broke the overladen camel's back. Will never be able to have even the merest ghost of a chance to live up to the memory of the missing classy European royalty angel. How I long for Catherine...*
*see ACAPULCO HEAT for your next Catherine Oxenberg fix... wow, you wouldn't look back!
5) Wayne Northrop. He's back from Season 1. The creepy chauffeur guy. Why? Why? Why? Maybe ol' Wayne had some incriminating blackmail on the producers? Kinda looks the type... (kidding! just kidding!)
6) Christopher Casenove (or something like that, I can't be bothered to care) Singularly unattractive character Ben, has all the charm of a dead barracuda. I'm actually not talking about the character, but the actor, who plays so part so smugly, so offensively, who'd want to sit next to that cretinous loaf?
Likable: Jeannette, the household supervisor. Aw shame, that loyalty! And surprisingly, Linda Evans as Krystle, is coming into her own. Dex, the man of the show. And Heather Locklear, of course. And old patriarch John Forsythe is still a force to be reckoned with.
Let's just ignore both boring Steven and Adam, shall we? No, wait, I have to mention that Adam looked especially weak here, hell, noticed the way dear old Claudia got totally totally forgotten in the shambles, totally? Burnt to a crisp, but nobody cared, nobody. Hey, noticed that Alexis do not consider Fallon as one of her children anymore? Three pictures there, Adam, Steven, Amanda, not four, no Fallon? Another plot oversight?
Season Six had a lot going against it. It got turned around by the appeal of Heather and Catherine. One half of that is now missing. This looks bleak. I doubt it will improve.
The ship has sunk, the fun is gone.
There is one reason only to stay aboard this sinking ship. Sammy Jo, played by Heather Locklear. Indeed, all the other characters have lost their sparkle, they are all dull now. That became evident to me during the previous season, but then we had Amanda and Sammy Jo circling each other. Of course, I knew Catherine Oxenberg got the walking ticket, booted out because of having committed the ultimate sin in TVLand: expecting a pay rise from Mr. Aaron Spelling. Hey, she should have taken note of the fate of Farrah Fawcett-Majors. But the joke was on the producers, cause with Catherine gone, and yet ANOTHER IMPOSTOR in her place, this show looks about as exciting as stale bread. Oh, Heather's still in fine form, but I'm gonna have to suffer:
1) Diahann Carroll. Oh, how I wish it was her who asked for the pay-rise! But no such luck! The outsider character Dominique Devereaux continues to have her own show in the midst of the main story-line. Daughter Jackie got mysteriously burned, when rescued by Dex she was fine, in the hospital, she is a severe casualty.
2) Alexis the miserable old hag... Snap out of it, people, the witchy old woman, cut out only for Cruella Deville, was overrated from Day One. Now she is just vinegar and even less exciting than that to watch. Got no real fashion sense but everything that's spectacularly audacious and utterly unfitting for her age. An icon of her time for all the wrong reasons. To sour old aunties and gay men. That about sums it up.
3) IMPOSTOR #1, Emma Samms as Fallon. Still cannot achieve even being remotely worth Pamela Sue Martin's old shoes. I kinda pity her. She must know how inadequate she is. Surely she knows Fallon from Season One, that fiery wild equestrienne?
4) IMPOSTOR #2, Karen Cellini as Amanda. The last straw that finally broke the overladen camel's back. Will never be able to have even the merest ghost of a chance to live up to the memory of the missing classy European royalty angel. How I long for Catherine...*
*see ACAPULCO HEAT for your next Catherine Oxenberg fix... wow, you wouldn't look back!
5) Wayne Northrop. He's back from Season 1. The creepy chauffeur guy. Why? Why? Why? Maybe ol' Wayne had some incriminating blackmail on the producers? Kinda looks the type... (kidding! just kidding!)
6) Christopher Casenove (or something like that, I can't be bothered to care) Singularly unattractive character Ben, has all the charm of a dead barracuda. I'm actually not talking about the character, but the actor, who plays so part so smugly, so offensively, who'd want to sit next to that cretinous loaf?
Likable: Jeannette, the household supervisor. Aw shame, that loyalty! And surprisingly, Linda Evans as Krystle, is coming into her own. Dex, the man of the show. And Heather Locklear, of course. And old patriarch John Forsythe is still a force to be reckoned with.
Let's just ignore both boring Steven and Adam, shall we? No, wait, I have to mention that Adam looked especially weak here, hell, noticed the way dear old Claudia got totally totally forgotten in the shambles, totally? Burnt to a crisp, but nobody cared, nobody. Hey, noticed that Alexis do not consider Fallon as one of her children anymore? Three pictures there, Adam, Steven, Amanda, not four, no Fallon? Another plot oversight?
Season Six had a lot going against it. It got turned around by the appeal of Heather and Catherine. One half of that is now missing. This looks bleak. I doubt it will improve.
The ship has sunk, the fun is gone.
