Frasier (TV Series)

Give Him the Chair! (1994)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Daphne : [Daphne reaches down her blouse to fish for the necklace that Niles dropped]  Can you see them?

  Niles : [looking down her blouse]  Oh yes, thank you.

• Niles : [testing a chair in the showplace]  I never knew a chair could be this satisfying. I never knew anything could! I want it!

  Frasier : Yes, Niles, I'm sure it would fit right in with all of Maris' Eighteenth Century antiques.

  Niles : Well then, I'll just rent it an apartment and visit it on the side.

• [Niles lets Daphne try on a necklace he bought for Maris, but it falls down the front of her blouse; Frasier enters] 

  Frasier : Hello, Niles. Whatever are you doing here?

  Niles : I, um, bought an emerald necklace for Maris, and I needed some place to hide it for her birthday.

  Frasier : Emeralds? Well, may I see it?

  Niles : Not at the moment, no.

  Frasier : Why not?

  Daphne : It's down my blouse.

  Frasier : I see. Well, I'm sure Maris will never think of looking for it there.

• Niles : [entering the furniture store]  Good God, Frasier, we've stumbled upon hell's waiting room.

• Martin : Hey, Niles. What brings you by?

  Niles : Maris's birthday, I'm hiding her present here.

  Martin : Oh, it's getting that time of year, is it? Well, I guess I'm gonna have to get her something. It's too bad, I just got back from the hardware store. Saw a great-looking ratchet set.

  Frasier : [sotto]  As if there's anything left on her that needs tightening.

• Frasier : [at the furniture store]  I can't imagine anyone would have something like that in their living room.

  Niles : It looks like someone upholstered it in golf pants.

• Frasier : God, when you think about all the care I put into decorating my home, only to have it mocked by this atrocity.

  Niles : The bottom line is, it is your home. Why don't you just make him get rid of it?

  Frasier : Well, it's not that simple, you know? Dad does have his feelings, and he does have quite an attachment to this little chair...

  Niles : You're afraid to stand up to him, aren't you?

  Frasier : Oh, like you're not!

  Niles : Well, at least I don't have to live with something unattractive.

  [Frasier shoots him a look. Niles gapes in outrage] 

  Frasier : Oh, Niles, I'm just having some fun with you. I happen to think Maris is rather attractive, in a... a minimalist sort of way.

• Frasier : Excuse me, perhaps you could help us here.

  Salesman : [not stopping]  Yeah, perhaps.

  Frasier : Well, we're looking for a chair.

  Salesman : [still not stopping]  We got 'em.

  Frasier : Wait, wait-wait-wait!

  [the salesman stops] 

  Niles : Ideally, we're looking for something with the presence of a Mies van der Rohe and the playful insouciance of an early Le Corbusier.

  Salesman : [pointing to chair at random]  This one vibrates.