Frasier (TV Series)

Give Him the Chair! (1994)

Valerie Curtin: Mrs. Warren

Quotes 

• Frasier : Can't do the show without Dr. Armstrong, he's too important to the plot. I know, that's the part I played.

  Mrs. Warren : You played Dr. Armstrong?

  Frasier : Well yes... oh no no no no

  Mrs. Warren : How badly do you want your chair?

  Frasier : I'm sorry, its out of the question.

  Mrs. Warren : No, it would be a real shame if something happened to this chair.

  [rips off a strip of duct tape pulling out some of the stuffing] 

  Frasier : But it's been years. I hardly can remember any of the lines.

  Mrs. Warren : Then you'll fit right in.

• Mrs. Warren : In forty-five minutes the curtain goes up on a very shaky production of "Ten Little Indians."

  Frasier : Oh, "Ten Little Indians." I thought I recognized the mise en scene. I did this play years ago.

  [British accent] 

  Frasier : "On the contrary, Major. Many a psychotic killer would appear to be quite normal. You see, you can never suspect that underneath that calm exterior there lies the heart of a maniac, ah-ha-ha."

  [normal voice] 

  Frasier : Happens to be true, by the way.

• Mrs. Warren : [addressing the drama club who are having jitters about performing]  Everyone, listen to me. This is not Broadway, it's junior high, now we're just going to go out there in front of family and friends, and have fun, okay?

  [to Frasier as the kids go merrily back to rehearsal] 

  Mrs. Warren : One more thing goes wrong, I will have to take my own life.

• Mrs. Warren : Sir? You can have your chair back in two weeks.

  Frasier : Yes, you don't understand, I'm in a very difficult position here.

  Mrs. Warren : DIFFICULT? You want difficult? I have a set that's falling apart, a leading man whose voice changed at precisely three o'clock this afternoon, AND MY NAME IS SPELLED WRONG IN THE PROGRAM!