Frasier (TV Series)

Kisses Sweeter Than Wine (1995)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Quotes 

• Martin : Jeez, I though you were just going to slit your wrists. It looks like you went for death by a thousand cuts.

  Frasier : I cut myself because I was shaving without water. And why was there no water? Because I had to move your chair, which gouged the floor, which made me call for Joe, who found bad pipes, who called for Cecil, who ate the cat that killed the rat that lived in the house that Frasier built.

• Martin : Will you give me your cash? Both of you, come on! Hurry up!

  Frasier : Why?

  Martin : Never mind why, just hand it to me. Come on, be quick, Niles.

  Niles : [takes money out of wallet]  Oh all right, do you want all seven hundred dollars?

  Martin : You carry seven hundred dollars in your wallet?

  Niles : Well, Maris asked me to stop by the drugstore later.

• Frasier : Would you mind if I moved your chair into your room until after the tasting?

  Martin : Forget it. You might as well ask me to stay in my room.

  Niles : Which takes care of the second favour.

• Daphne : [trying to solve the problem of a scratch on the floor]  We could put a rug over it.

  Frasier : A rug... where a rug doesn't belong. Why don't we just throw down a Twister mat and have a few rounds between vintages?

• Frasier : Look, I don't know what kind of twisted fantasy you've concocted about Daphne. I suppose it involves a comet hitting the earth and you and she having to rebuild the species! Well, trust me, Niles, it is not going to happen. She needs a man - one who can do more for her than just smell her hair.

• Frasier : [Frasier needs to move Martin's chair]  Okay, Niles, grab an end.

  Niles : [laughs, then:]  Oh, you're serious. You know I don't lift.

  Frasier : Yes, with that stick where it is I'm surprised you can bend.

• Frasier : Niles, don't yell at me. If you were able to lift anything heavier than an emory board we wouldn't be in this position.

• Martin : Well, you moved my chair, you cut off my pancake supply; why don't you just back out over Eddie on your way to work? Make it a hat trick?

  Frasier : And a hat trick would be?

  Martin : That's in hockey where one player...

  Frasier : Enough said, thank you.

• Martin : You know, it's time you guys learned, everything doesn't have to be perfect.

  Frasier : Yes, it's that kind of advice that leads to shag carpeting!