"Frasier" Travels with Martin (TV Episode 1994) Poster

(TV Series)

(1994)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

  • [driving a Winnebago] 

    Daphne : How does it feel behind that wheel, Dr. Crane?

    Frasier : Manly! This is mine, and it's big!

  • [the Cranes have to smuggle Daphne across the border from Canada, pretending she's American] 

    Daphne : Bloody right! It beats havin' me bum bounced back across the pond. Let's give it a bash.

    Frasier : Oh, yes. This is foolproof.

  • Frasier : So how long you figure it'll take us to get to Yellowstone?

    Martin : Well if we drive all night, we'll be there in the morning.

    Frasier : Oh, it'll be a nice surprise for the two of them whey they wake up in the morning.

    Martin : I got a better surprise than that. Let's tell Daphne we're in Mexico.

    [they both laugh] 

  • [Frasier agrees to go on a Winnebago trip with Martin] 

    Frasier : You've got to come with us!

    Niles : Frasier, you're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys, but *this* is an imposition!

  • Daphne : Oh I need a cup of tea.

    Frasier : Tea! Why don't you just waive a crumpet in the air and start singing "God Save the Queen"!

  • Martin : [to lady]  Excuse me! Would you take our picture, please? Niles, Frasier, come on up here! Okay, everybody, alright, here we go! Everybody ready? Now, what should we do?

    Frasier : Well, how about this?

    [Frasier puts his hands up and opens his mouth wide as if he's scared of the bear] 

    Martin : Yeah! That's great, I like that! Okay, everybody! Eddie?

    Marvella : Now, before I take it, you know it's ten dollars Canadian.

    Frasier : Oh, for a treasured memory like this, what's money?

    [Everyone puts on their "scared" faces] 

    Marvella : Okay, one...

    Daphne : [whispering]  Why would she want Canadian dollars?

    Marvella : Two...

    Martin : Because we're in Canada.

    Marvella : Three!

    [Daphne screams in horror as Marvella takes the picture. Everybody looks at her as she steps forward off the photo platform] 

    Daphne : We're in Canada?

    Martin : Yeah, we crossed the border a while ago, when you were taking a nap.

    Daphne : But we can't be in Canada! I'm not allowed to leave the United States!

    Frasier : Why?

    Daphne : Because I don't have my green card yet! Oh, this is just perfect! Three months until my final interview, the one thing they told me not to do was to leave the country! And what do you do? Wait until the first time I fall asleep and drag me across the bleeding border! They're never going to let me back in!

    Niles : They have to take you back, it's not your fault.

    [Niles goes to comfort her] 

    Frasier : [to Martin]  This wouldn't have happened if you weren't so hell-bent on getting so many miles under your belt today!

    Martin : Well, you're the one who had to go where the wind blows!

  • [after using the Winnebago's bathroom] 

    Niles : Dear God, it's like being sealed upright in a Formica coffin!

    Martin : Remember the old days, Niles?

    [to Daphne] 

    Martin : When they were kids, all they had in the back seat was a mayonnaise jar!

    Frasier : Yes, it took quite a bit of skill to use it successfully at seventy miles per hour! Never really been fond of mayonnaise since.

    Niles : Or speed bumps.

  • Frasier : I plan to leave Dad and Eddie to fend for themselves while I go off and spend an obscene amount of money being pampered like a spoiled child. I know it's self-indulgent, but what else are vacations for? By the way, what are you doing for your week off?

    Roz : Oh, I'm taking my mom to Ireland to stay in the sod house where her mother was born.

    Frasier : Why don't you just write the words "bad son" on my forehead!

  • Martin : You know, Fras, I gotta admit it. Sometimes when we're alone together, I just don't know what to say. I'm sure you figured out that's why I invited Daphne along.

    Frasier : Well, I had my suspicions, but I'd hoped I was wrong...

    Martin : Oh, come on, that's why you invited Niles along.

    Frasier : [re: Daphne]  Well, that's why I invited him, but that's not why he came.

    [they laugh] 

  • Frasier : Niles, when I agreed to see America with Dad, I thought we'd be staying in five-star resorts. When I said together, I meant adjoining suites.

    Niles : Just tell him that you think it's a bad idea.

    Frasier : Oh, I can't do that. He's counting on this trip too much. It was his dream. He was going to go on this trip with Mom.

    Niles : Yes, but she lucked out and died.

  • Guard : [to Daphne]  Miss, you've been very quiet. Is there something I should know here?

    [Daphne shrugs her shoulders, then smiles and laughs without saying anything] 

    Guard : You seem awfully nervous. May I have your name, please?

    [Daphne freezes with embarrassment, then slowly turns to Martin for help] 

    Martin : Oh, alright. I guess I should have known better than to try something like this

    Niles : [standing up]  Dad, don't!

    Frasier : It was just a mistake!

    Guard : [to Niles and Frasier]  You men just want to back off?

    [to Martin] 

    Guard : What is it you want to say, sir?

    Martin : We were trying to put one over on you. Eddie?

    [Eddie jumps into Martin's lap] 

    Martin : We don't have a rabies certificate for the dog.

    Guard : I knew something was going on here.

    Martin : Yeah well you see, we weren't planning on coming to Canada and then when we got to the border we forgot about him.

    Niles : Yes and I for one didn't even know you needed one.

    Frasier : Yes, but ignorance of the law is no excuse, so you can just take the little dog and we'll be on our way!

    Martin : Uh look, if you're worried that we picked him up here, we didn't,

    [takes out wallet] 

    Martin : see here's a picture of him at the Seattle Space Needle.

    Guard : I see you got a badge there.

    Martin : [flips wallet over, eyes bug out]  Oh! Yeah...

    Guard : You a policeman?

    Martin : Retired, 30 years on the Seattle police force, me of all people should know better, right?

    Guard : Next time remember the rabies certificate.

    [leaves] 

  • Daphne : It's too late to turn back now, I say we make a run for it!

    Frasier : Oh that's a great idea, a high speed chase in an 8 ton motor home! I'm sure that'll be an amusing anecdote for the border patrol newsletter!

  • Martin : I've always wanted to have my picture taken with a live bear.

    Frasier : [dryly]  Well, some dreams cannot be denied.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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