Frasier (TV Series)

Travels with Martin (1994)

Jane Leeves: Daphne Moon

Quotes 

• [driving a Winnebago] 

  Daphne : How does it feel behind that wheel, Dr. Crane?

  Frasier : Manly! This is mine, and it's big!

• [the Cranes have to smuggle Daphne across the border from Canada, pretending she's American] 

  Daphne : Bloody right! It beats havin' me bum bounced back across the pond. Let's give it a bash.

  Frasier : Oh, yes. This is foolproof.

• Daphne : Where did Mrs. Crane go, anyway?

  Niles : She's making her annual pilgrimage to the holy land.

  Martin : I thought she was going to Dallas to visit her sister.

  Niles : That is her holy land. It's the site of the first Neiman Marcus.

• Daphne : Oh I need a cup of tea.

  Frasier : Tea! Why don't you just waive a crumpet in the air and start singing "God Save the Queen"!

• Martin : [to lady]  Excuse me! Would you take our picture, please? Niles, Frasier, come on up here! Okay, everybody, alright, here we go! Everybody ready? Now, what should we do?

  Frasier : Well, how about this?

  [Frasier puts his hands up and opens his mouth wide as if he's scared of the bear] 

  Martin : Yeah! That's great, I like that! Okay, everybody! Eddie?

  Marvella : Now, before I take it, you know it's ten dollars Canadian.

  Frasier : Oh, for a treasured memory like this, what's money?

  [Everyone puts on their "scared" faces] 

  Marvella : Okay, one...

  Daphne : [whispering]  Why would she want Canadian dollars?

  Marvella : Two...

  Martin : Because we're in Canada.

  Marvella : Three!

  [Daphne screams in horror as Marvella takes the picture. Everybody looks at her as she steps forward off the photo platform] 

  Daphne : We're in Canada?

  Martin : Yeah, we crossed the border a while ago, when you were taking a nap.

  Daphne : But we can't be in Canada! I'm not allowed to leave the United States!

  Frasier : Why?

  Daphne : Because I don't have my green card yet! Oh, this is just perfect! Three months until my final interview, the one thing they told me not to do was to leave the country! And what do you do? Wait until the first time I fall asleep and drag me across the bleeding border! They're never going to let me back in!

  Niles : They have to take you back, it's not your fault.

  [Niles goes to comfort her] 

  Frasier : [to Martin]  This wouldn't have happened if you weren't so hell-bent on getting so many miles under your belt today!

  Martin : Well, you're the one who had to go where the wind blows!

• Niles : I should have known this would happen. I always throw out my back when I try to lift Maris' luggage.

  Daphne : Why didn't you hire a skycap?

  Niles : Oh, we did for most of it, but Maris won't trust strangers with her makeup case, ever since a ham-handed porter dropped it and broke three vials of rare Swiss lamb placenta. On the upside, the calfskin lining of her case was never more soft and supple.

• Daphne : [blows a duck call to break up the men's arguing]  It doesn't matter who's to blame. I am STUCK here!

  Niles : I'm sure if we just took you to the consulate and you explained the situation, they'd be understanding.

  Martin : Oh grow up, Niles, she doesn't have a chance, they'll throw the book at her. There's only one thing to do, we'll sneak her back across the border.

  Niles : We can't do that, that's smuggling!

  Martin : [sarcastically]  Oh thanks, Niles, I knew it was something bad guys did, I just didn't remember what it was called.

• Daphne : It's too late to turn back now, I say we make a run for it!

  Frasier : Oh that's a great idea, a high speed chase in an 8 ton motor home! I'm sure that'll be an amusing anecdote for the border patrol newsletter!