Frasier (TV Series)

Travels with Martin (1994)

Don Amendolia: Guard

Quotes 

• Guard : [to Daphne]  Miss, you've been very quiet. Is there something I should know here?

  [Daphne shrugs her shoulders, then smiles and laughs without saying anything] 

  Guard : You seem awfully nervous. May I have your name, please?

  [Daphne freezes with embarrassment, then slowly turns to Martin for help] 

  Martin : Oh, alright. I guess I should have known better than to try something like this

  Niles : [standing up]  Dad, don't!

  Frasier : It was just a mistake!

  Guard : [to Niles and Frasier]  You men just want to back off?

  [to Martin] 

  Guard : What is it you want to say, sir?

  Martin : We were trying to put one over on you. Eddie?

  [Eddie jumps into Martin's lap] 

  Martin : We don't have a rabies certificate for the dog.

  Guard : I knew something was going on here.

  Martin : Yeah well you see, we weren't planning on coming to Canada and then when we got to the border we forgot about him.

  Niles : Yes and I for one didn't even know you needed one.

  Frasier : Yes, but ignorance of the law is no excuse, so you can just take the little dog and we'll be on our way!

  Martin : Uh look, if you're worried that we picked him up here, we didn't,

  [takes out wallet] 

  Martin : see here's a picture of him at the Seattle Space Needle.

  Guard : I see you got a badge there.

  Martin : [flips wallet over, eyes bug out]  Oh! Yeah...

  Guard : You a policeman?

  Martin : Retired, 30 years on the Seattle police force, me of all people should know better, right?

  Guard : Next time remember the rabies certificate.

  [leaves]