Friends (TV Series)
The One Where Heckles Dies (1995)
Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing
Photos
Quotes
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Chandler : Goodbye, Mr. Heckles. We'll try to keep it down.
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Ross : You uh, you don't believe in gravity?
Phoebe : Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just... I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.
[Knock at door]
Chandler : Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed.
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Chandler : If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y'know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man, " they'll shout!
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[Chandler is afraid he's becoming like Mr. Heckles]
Chandler : We were both on the same track. Sure, my train is thirty years behind, but the stops are all the same - Bittertown, Aloneville, Hermit Junction.
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Monica Geller : So how was Joan?
Chandler : Broke up with her.
Ross : Oh, why? Don't tell me. Because of the big nostril thing?
Chandler : They were huge. When she sneezed, bats flew out of them.
Rachel : Come on, they were not that huge.
Chandler : I'm telling you, she leaned back, I could see her brain!
Monica Geller : How many women will you reject over the most superficial, insignificant things?
Joey Tribbiani : Hold it. Hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out with this girl. Really hot. Great kisser but she had the biggest Adam's apple. Drove me nuts.
Chandler : [to Ross] You or me?
Ross : I got it... Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
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Monica Geller : You've got to get over this. Okay? You won't end up alone.
Chandler : Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch that there aren't any great women out there.
Rachel : Chandler, you have just described virtually every man that we've ever gone out with.
Monica Geller : You are not a freak. You're a guy.
Rachel : She's right. She's right. You're no different than the rest.
Monica Geller : Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yes, he is. You are totally different.
Chandler : In a bad way?
Monica Geller : No, honey, in a wonderful way. You know what you want now. Most guys don't even have a clue. You're ready to take risks, be vulnerable and intimate with someone.
Rachel : You're not gonna end up alone.
Phoebe : You called Janice. That's how much you wanted to be with someone!
Monica Geller : You've made it!
Phoebe : You're there!
Rachel : You are ready to make a commitment!
Chandler : Whoa! Don't know about that.
