- Elvira Grover: Oh, my dear, my collection of Figg memorabilia belongs in a museum.
- Capt. Daniel Gregg: Or a sideshow.
- Carolyn Muir: I took a nice long drive and worked out the entire article in my head. Now all I have to do is put it on paper.
- Martha Grant: It'd be easier to read that way.
- [Carolyn decides to ask Claymore for death records on the late Captain Figg]
- Capt. Daniel Gregg: You don't take MY word for it as an expert in dying, so whom do you ask? Someone who's a failure at living!
- Carolyn Muir: I'm going into town to do some research on an article I'm writing.
- Jonathan Muir: The one about that phony Captain Figg?
- Carolyn Muir: Jonathan, where did you ever hear a thing like that?
- Jonathan Muir: Scuttlebutt.