Ruby Wax: Shelley

Quotes 

• Shelley : Jennifer, Avant!

  Jennifer : I beg your pardon?

  Shelley : It's Shakespeare for 'get me a taxi'.

• Chris : Look, who's the most important person in the world to you?

  Shelley : I am.

• Shelley : Now leave, I've decided to commit suicide.

  Jennifer : All right then, if you're sure you're ok.

• Shelley : [storms in the room, totally depressed]  Okay, crisis! There's been a burglary in the fridge! I had TWELVE cans of Single-Cal in there, and now I have ELEVEN! And it wouldn't take Kojak to figure out who's the hoover of the eats world around here, Amanda!

  Amanda : Excuse me, is that an official accusation? I mean, are you calling me a thief? Because all property is theft in my book, Shelley. Well, it's not my book, I mean, it's the people's book...

  Shelley : Okay, spill, Amanda!

  Amanda : Look, Shelley, I would not drink something that has been scientifically proven to KILL laboratory rats!

  Shelley : [yells]  It has one calorie, lay off!

  Candice : [yells sarcastically, American accent]  IT HAS ONE CALORIE, LAY OFF!

  Shelley : [loses it]  THAT'S IT! I am SICK of hearing my accent vandalized around here! I have trained my resonators to sound like this! THIS IS STANDARD BBC QUEEN'S TONGUE ENGLISH! OKAY!

  [Amanda and Candice cover their ears from her screaming as Shelley bolts into her bedroom]