- Blanche Devereaux: [Doorbell rings] Who on earth could that be at three o'clock at the morning?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Maybe it's a Jehovah's Witness with a caffeine problem.
- [at a dance contest]
- Rose: [to her dance partner] You know, this reminds me of the big dance back in St. Olaf to kick off Pretzel Week. My Uncle Gunther, after the Great Beernut Shortage of '29-...
- Dorothy: Foul! Foul! Send a judge over here!
- [pointing at Rose]
- Dorothy: This woman is trying to put us to sleep!
- Sophia Petrillo: [Salvadore, unseen until now in another room eating a TV dinner, walks toward the door in his coat and hat] Where are you goin'?
- Salvadore: Get some air.
- Sophia Petrillo: We got air in the house.
- Salvadore: I like beer with my air.
- Salvadore: [from outside the door, sheepishly] You wait up for me?
- Sophia Petrillo: Don't I always?
- Salvadore: I love you.
- Sophia Petrillo: I love you, too.
- Sophia Petrillo: [to Dorothy] I look at him, I see Errol Flynn.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [Blanche and Dorothy walking into the kitchen, Dorothy carrying a large pizza box] Hi Rose.
- Blanche Devereaux: We brought dinner.
- Rose Nylund: What'd ya get?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [still holding pizza box] A bucket of chicken.
- [Thunderous laughter from the audience]
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I hope you like it extra flat and crispy?
- Blanche Devereaux: It's a pizza Rose.
- Rose Nylund: I knew that, I meant what kind is it?
- Blanche Devereaux: Did you *really* know that?
- Rose Nylund: [sarcasticly] No, but I thought I could cover.