- Rose Nylund: Is the Oval Office as hard to vacuum as I think it is?
- George Bush: I don't know, there hasn't been a Hoover in the White House in 60 years.
- Sophia Petrillo: Please, I'm not the "love'em and leave'em" type. At my age, I don't have the strength to do both!
- Agent Bell: [a Secret Service agent is checking the Girls' household before the presidential visit] I only have one more question to ask. What organizations do you belong to? We have to make sure none of them could be considered a threat to the president.
- Dorothy Zbornak: Oh, well, I'm a member of the Sierra Club, and Blanche belongs to the Daughters of the Confederacy.
- Rose Nylund: And I'm a member of the Otto Club of St Olaf. Well, actually I'm an honorary member. My name's not Otto.
- [to be read aloud; this line is a spoken pun, which doesn't really work in writing]
- Agent Bell: I don't think that group could be considered subversive.
- Rose Nylund: Subversive?
- Agent Bell: You know, as in, 'Do you advocate the overthrow of the government by force or violence.'
- Rose Nylund: [after thinking it over] Violence.
- Dorothy Zbornak: [annoyed by her stupidity] Rose!
- Rose Nylund: Hello, Mr. President. Can I ask you something?
- George Bush: Well, sure.
- Rose Nylund: Is the Oval Office as hard to vacuum as I think it is?
- George Bush: Well, I don't know. There hasn't been a Hoover in the White House in 60 years.
- Blanche Devereaux: [about Stan] You know, Dorothy, every now and then it dawns on me you had children with this man.