- Lisa Douglas: [to Oliver who's holding up an electric iron] What's that for?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Haven't you ever used this?
- Lisa Douglas: Oh yes. To hold the door open.
- Fred Ziffel: [advising Oliver what to plant] Mr. Douglas, take the advice of a man who's been farming for 40 years. Don't fly in the face of Doris' lumbago.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Mr. Haney, what are you...
- Mr. Haney: Ssssh!
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [Whispering] What're you doing?
- Mr. Haney: Listenin' to my car radio.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: What kind of radio...
- Mr. Haney: Ssssh!
- [laughing]
- Mr. Haney: Oh, I love that "Vic and Sade." Where you been, Mr. Douglas?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Buying my seed.
- Mr. Haney: Oh, what you'd buy?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Wheat and soybeans.
- Mr. Haney: Very shrewd. They was up at 3 o'clock.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Yeah.
- Mr. Haney: 'Course it's almost 4 now. I'll get the latest price report on my radio.
- [puts on his headset, adjusts his coil on the radio, and gestures to Mr. Douglas to step back]
- Mr. Haney: 'scuse me, Mr. Douglas, you're standing between me and Pixley.