- Sean Finnerty: Come on, babe! I watched Henry all day! He was playing his X-box, riding his bike...
- Claudia Finnerty: Where'd he get an X-box and a bicycle?
- Sean Finnerty: Santa?
- Claudia Finnerty: *We're* Santa! Apparently Henry has found a way to supplement his allowance.
- Henry Finnerty: [cut away to Henry knocking on a door. An elderly woman answers the door] Hello, ma'am! Would you like to make a contribution to a shelter for runaway kids?
- Mrs. Libby: What's it called?
- Henry Finnerty: St. Charles Place.
- [holds up a coffee can with the Monopoly deed to St. Charles Place taped to it]
- Mrs. Libby: I think I've heard of that.
- Henry Finnerty: It keeps kids from going directly to jail.
- Sean Finnerty: Come on, you can discuss anything with me!
- Lily Finnerty: Anything? Okay. Your condom machine's broken.
- [walks out, leaving Sean contemplating]
- Brad O'Keefe: [after Lily finishes telling Claudia how she lost her virginity to Brad, he bursts out of her room] It was like a dream, Mrs. Finnerty! A beautiful dream!
- Claudia Finnerty: [shoving Brad back into Lily's room] There is man downstairs making sandwiches with a knife and if he finds out what happened, he will stop making sandwiches and come up here and kill you!
- [handing him his clothes]
- Claudia Finnerty: For your own safety, go!
- Brad O'Keefe: Hey, can I get in on one of those sandwiches?