Vivian Vance: Ethel Mertz

Quotes 

• Ethel Mertz : [Fred is installing a new door-lock on the Ricardos' front door, but it doesn't stop Ethel]  What happened?

  Lucy Ricardo : You just broke through Fred's 'burglar-proof chain'.

  Ethel Mertz : Fred, can't you ever do anything right?

  Fred Mertz : [mocking Ethel in a high-pitched voice]  Fred can't you ever do anything right? You're not supposed to come charging in there like a bull out of a chute.

  Ethel Mertz : If you'd'a fixed it right, it wouldn't've pulled out.

  Fred Mertz : With your weight, you could come through that wall without a door.

  Ethel Mertz : Oh, keep quiet, or I'll sit on you.

• Lucy Ricardo : [a Hollywood talent scout is scheduled to come by to hear Ricky read for a movie role]  This has been going on all morning.

  Ethel Mertz : What has?

  Lucy Ricardo : People calling up, and wanting to audition tonight.

  Ethel Mertz : No kiddin'.

  Lucy Ricardo : How did they find out?

  Ethel Mertz : I don't know. I didn't tell anybody. Did you?

  Lucy Ricardo : Certainly not. I didn't tell a soul, and they all promised to keep it a secret. Y'know, I never knew this neighborhood was so full of frustrated performers. At last I found out where Vaudeville went to die.

• Lucy Ricardo : [just before an expected visit from a Hollywood talent scout, Lucy enters dressed as Marilyn Monroe to find the Mertzes dressed as a Spanish dance team]  I thought we all agreed that you weren't going to do anything to ruin Ricky's chance.

  Ethel Mertz : Well you're ruining it.

  Lucy Ricardo : That's different. I'm his wife. I have a right to ruin it.