The Jack Benny Program (TV Series)
Burns and Allen Show (1954)
Jack Benny: Jack Benny
Photos
Quotes
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Jack Benny : [in the dressing room] George, did you find Gracie?
George Burns : Not yet.
Jack Benny : I can't understand it. Gracie was here yesterday for rehearsal. She knew the show was on today. Now, where in the world could she have gone?
George Burns : Don't you try to understand Gracie. She might be in Montreal, by now.
Jack Benny : In Montreal?
George Burns : When she left the house this morning, she said she was going out to buy some Canadian bacon.
Jack Benny : What? Grace thinks to get Canadian bacon, you have to go to Canada?
George Burns : I once told her I liked Philadelphia cream cheese - I didn't see her for two weeks.
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George Burns : The show is over, you're a good sport, and Jack, I'm gonna take you to dinner.
Jack Benny : I don't care... To dinner?
George Burns : Yeah.
Jack Benny : Alright, wait till I get out of this dress.
George Burns : Oh no, leave it on. I might want to go dancing.
Jack Benny : Oh get out!
[throws a shoe at George]
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Jack Benny : [as Gracie] Willie broke his back, you know.
George Burns : Oh? Broke his back?
Jack Benny : [as Gracie] Mm-hmm, on account of he's left-handed.
George Burns : Broke his back because he's left-handed?
Jack Benny : [as Gracie] Mm-hmm. You see, he had a donut in his right-hand pocket and when he tried to take it out with his left hand, he...
George Burns : Broke his back.
Jack Benny : [as Gracie] Yes.
George Burns : Well, the next time he's got a donut in his right-hand pocket, tell him to try to take it out with his right hand.
Jack Benny : [as Gracie] That's hard to do when you got your pants on backwards.
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George Burns : His wife's name is Rover?
Jack Benny : [as Gracie] Uh huh. You see, when she was a little girl, you know, she moved next to our family, next door. So one day our mother told all of us kids, she said she thought it would be kind of nice if we called her Rover. And we did.
