The Jack Benny Program (TV Series)

Christmas Shopping Show (1957)

Jack Benny: Jack Benny

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack Benny : [crawling through a horde of women shoppers]  Christmas shopping gets worse every year

• Jack Benny : As long as both of us are in the store, I'd like to buy you your Christmas gift now, cuz I don't want to duplicate anything, see? What did I get you for Christmas last year?

  Rochester Van Jones : A brand new dollar bill.

  Jack Benny : Oh yes.

  Rochester Van Jones : And a lecture on the evils of wine, women and song.

  Jack Benny : Oh yes, well that was just a gag, I just did that to make you laugh.

  Rochester Van Jones : I wish you'd told me, I cried all night.

• Jack Benny : Excuse me, will you wait on me?

  Lingerie Salesman : [turns around]  Durr, why not? Your money's as good as anybody's.

• Saleswoman : Hello sir, Merry Christmas, may I help you?

  Jack Benny : Yes, I'd like to look at a watch please, I want a watch.

  Saleswoman : For a man, woman or dog?

  Jack Benny : Dog?

  Saleswoman : Well this IS Beverly Hills you know.

  Jack Benny : Well I'd like a ladies' wristwatch. I don't know any dogs.

• Wallet Salesman : Don't worry about it. I found the card, I put it in the package, I wrapped it as a gift, and I sent it down to the delivery room

  Jack Benny : But I forgot to sign it.

  [the wallet salesman lets out a horrible scream] 

  Second Sales Girl : Please, you're creating a scene.

  Wallet Salesman : Yeah, I, I guess you're right. The customer is always right,

  [points to Jack] 

  Wallet Salesman : and this *jerk* is a customer!

• Jack Benny : Oh mister?

  Mr. Nelson - Floor Walker : Yessss?

  Jack Benny : Pardon me, are you the floorwalker?

  Mr. Nelson - Floor Walker : Well, what do you think I am with this carnation, a float in the Rose Parade?

• Jack Benny : I wonder where the jewelry department is. I gotta get...

  Bandit : [wearing a black mask and carrying a gun and a black bag]  The jewelry department?

  Jack Benny : Yeah.

  Bandit : [points]  Right over there.

  Jack Benny : Gee, I hope they still have a nice selection.