Keeping Up Appearances (TV Series)

The Three Piece Suite (1991)

Patricia Routledge: Hyacinth

Quotes 

• Hyacinth : [answering the phone]  The Bouquet residence, the lady of the house speaking.

  Hyacinth : No, I cannot send round another portion of stir-fried squid with fish-balls and broccoli.

  Hyacinth : This is not the Green Lotus Chinese take-away. I may only be one digit removed, but believe me it's a whole other world.

  Hyacinth : I heard that, and it wasn't Chinese.

• [last lines] 

  Richard : Does Onslow still get tea when he's finished?

  Hyacinth : Well, of course he can have tea afterwards. But not out of my Royal Doulton. And he won't sit on my new suite either.

• Hyacinth : [Making wild hand gestures so anyone watching will think she's just giving directions to passing strangers]  The point is, my suite hasn't arrived yet. I'm expecting the van any minute. So if you could clear this area and perhaps pop back later?

  [Onslow, Daisy, and Rose just stare] 

  Hyacinth : After dark. WELL after dark.

  [Her family still stare blankly] 

  Hyacinth : I'll have your suite waiting. You can collect it, and take it off down there, take the first turn left, and proceed along until you come as far as...

  [Realizes they're still not getting the idea] 

  Hyacinth : And instead of standing there looking at me with your mouths wide open, why don't you all get back into that vehicle, drive off in that direction, take the first turn left, which will bring you to you-know-where?

• [first lines] 

  Hyacinth : [on the telephone]  I require your furniture department, please. The quality section, not the plywood end.

  Hyacinth : Good morning! Am I speaking to the manager? I shan't settle for anything less. Good. Now, my name is Bouquet, that's B-U-C-K-E-T.

  Hyacinth : No, it *is* Bouquet. You may remember that I called in earlier in the week to choose a three piece suite.

  Hyacinth : You do remember vividly. How very nice. Yes. That's right, I called in the week before too.

  Hyacinth : Yes, and the week before that.

  Hyacinth : Well, these things are too important to rush. Now, you remember that I finally opted for a very superior suite, which you assured me was an exact replica of one at Sandringham House.And you promised delivery today. I'm ringing to ascertain the precise time that you intend to deliver, and will it be in one of your vans with the royal warrant on?

  Hyacinth : All your vans have the royal warrant; that's good. On both sides? Because if it's only on the one side I shall want you to park facing town.

  Hyacinth : You have the royal warrant on both sides; that's very good.

• Hyacinth : Sheridan wants to be a poet!

  Richard : Well, that's THIS week. It'll die out.

• Hyacinth : Look, if this is bad news, please speak slowly and solemnly!