"Last of the Summer Wine" The Second Husband and the Showgirls (TV Episode 2003) - Keith Clifford as Billy

[first lines]

Billy : I realize it's not easy to tell, but is Smiler looking more miserable than usual?

Tom : He's looking for love.

Billy : Have you thought of getting married instead? With a face like that it's much more suitable.

Smiler : I've been married. She left me.

Tom : I expect she couldn't stand the excitement.

Smiler : She shoulda said. I coulda lowered me sparkle a bit.

Billy : Maybe it's nothing personal, Smiler. Maybe she thought tha were dead.

Smiler : Live enough for the right person. I don't want anything flash.

Billy : Well, that's just as well because I don't think tha's going to get anything flash.

Tom : Have you any experience of flash?

Smiler : I play the mouth organ.

Tom : Only sadly.

Smiler : I like sadly.

Billy : Ai. Enough. If I want depressing it's available at 'ome, in all sizes. My lass and her sister keep a full range.
Billy : The is going to be a laugh a minute. He wants taking somewhere where we can live him up a bit.

Clegg : Not everybody drinks, you know.

Billy : Yeah, I read that.
Ivy : Who do you think's going to be listening to your business? You don't think anybody's interested in your business!

[to Billy]

Ivy : Who is he?

Billy : His tango instructor.

Ivy : Tango you in a minute!

Clegg : No, they're, um, they're sort of vaguely related.

Ivy : Oh, you mean like Billy is to his brains.

Billy : I love coming here. Just like being at 'ome.

Keith Clifford: Billy