M*A*S*H (TV Series)

Big Mac (1975)

Wayne Rogers: Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Radar struggles to bring two table lamps to the VIP tent] 

  Hawkeye : What do we have here, a diminutive Diogenes?

  Trapper : Looking for TWO honest men, Radar?

• Trapper : Frank! What are you doing?

  Frank Burns : Burning books.

  Hawkeye : Oh. Any special reason, Dr. Hitler?

  Frank Burns : One of the greatest living Americans is coming and I'm not going to let him see some of the trash that's read around here.

  Trapper : Plato's Republic? The Life of Red Grange?

  Hawkeye : Revolutionaries.

  Frank Burns : Right!

  Trapper : Robinson Crusoe?

  Hawkeye : Everybody runs around half naked.

  Trapper : Norman Mailer.

  Frank Burns : It's got *that word* in it.

  Hawkeye : Frank, you burn one more book, I'm gonna give you a dancing lesson in the mine field. Now, knock it off, gnat brain!

• Trapper : [after having his picture taken by Hawkeye]  I had my eyes shut!

  Hawkeye : That's ok. So did I.

• Frank Burns : Okeydoke. You slackers do what you want. But I'm gonna show the general we're military! And I order you to clean up the unholy mess in there, and if you don't, I will!

  Hawkeye : You touch one dirty sock, you remove one layer of crud, you kill one cockroach, Frank, and I will personally grind you into a fine powder and sprinkle you on MacArthur's oatmeal!

  Trapper : What he said!

• Col. Whiteman : [briefing the 4077's staff on Gen. MacArthur's impinging visit]  I'm sure you must all be excited at the idea of meeting our Supreme Commander.

  Trapper : I'm thrilled beyond repair!

  Hawkeye : My bellybutton's been puckering and unpuckering all day!

• Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Colonel Whiteman, I just want to say that this disrespectful attitude is in no way shared by myself or Major Burns on my right.

  Trapper : On your right what?