M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Bottoms Up (1981)
Jamie Farr: Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger
Quotes
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Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : [Viewing photos of the revenge prank on BJ] These came out great. That BJ is the living end.
Major Charles Winchester : Proof past that behind every great man there is a great behind.
[Hawk, Winchester and Kinger laugh]
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : These are wonderful.
[to Klinger]
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : What took you so long with these?
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : Well, to develop photos of this sort you need more than a dark room. You need a dark alley.
[Hawk, Winchester and Kinger laugh. BJ comes up behind]
Captain B.J. Hunnicut : Ah, ah. Not funny. Not funny.
[Snatches photos]
Major Charles Winchester : My, isn't he a testy one?
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : He's going to be absolutely beside himself when he sees those eight by tens on the bulletin board.
Captain B.J. Hunnicut : No.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : Yeah.
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : Ahhhhhh!
[Runs screaming as Hawk and Winchester laugh]
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Major Charles Winchester : [Chair glued to his behind, Winchester struggles over to the bar] Max, get me a knife!
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : Major, don't! It's not worth it!
Major Charles Winchester : For my pants!
[Begins undoing belt, turns to crowd]
Major Charles Winchester : Attention, attention all personnel! It would appear that ol' Doc Funnypants is at it again and once again, I am the butt of his joke.
[Crowd boos]
Major Charles Winchester : Please, please, please. We must all remember that the poor man is demented, he's obviously suffering from a fanny fetish.
[Points at his behind, crowd laughs and applauds]
Major Charles Winchester : Thank you all very much, you are indeed a source of inspiration during these
[inhales as Klinger accidentally cuts him]
Major Charles Winchester : difficult times. I assure you, I shall endure.
[Crowd applauds. Klinger cuts away the trousers and Winchester stands up and heads for the door]
Major Charles Winchester : Thank you Max. Thank you.
[Turns]
Major Charles Winchester : Klinger, I will need another pair of trousers.
[Chuckles]
Major Charles Winchester : Perhaps several. No telling how often I'll be torpedoed by Rear Admiral Pierce.
[Mock salutes Pierce and leaves]