- Maj. Frank Burns: [handing a martini glass to BJ] Can I have another lemon squash?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Coming up, Tex.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Best keep your wits about you, Major.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Oh, don't worry about me, sir. I got a hollow head.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: You guys pull a fast one and put a toe tag on Burns last night?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: We addressed him, but we didn't mail him.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Oh come on, guys, no horsin' around now. What have you done with Burns?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: We did what you said.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Showed him a good time, right?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Right.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: He's disappeared!
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: It's his way of saying "thank you".
- P.A. Announcer: Attention all personnel. Ralph Kiner has just hit his 47th home run of the season and Corporal Murphy has just struck out in the laundry room.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Ah, come on, you sleepyheads! Up and at 'em.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Oh, buzz off, Frank.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Get lost.
- Maj. Frank Burns: I don't understand. You hate me again.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: What's not to hate?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: [Trying to remember what happened to Frank] How do you figure? We carried him in here, laid him out. Didn't we take his boots off?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: We must've. My eyes are still burning.