M*A*S*H (TV Series)

Hawkeye Get Your Gun (1976)

Jamie Farr: Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger

Photos 

Quotes 

• B.J. : Evening, Klinger.

  Klinger : Evening who, sir?

  B.J. : Sorry. Zoltan. How's the tribe?

  Klinger : My tribe, they're yearning for me, sir.

  B.J. : Of course they are. What are you doing?

  Klinger : Working on a plan to turn the motor pool into a Gypsy caravan.

  B.J. : You too? Any news about Hawkeye and the colonel?

  Klinger : They didn't call.

  B.J. : I'm getting worried. I don't like to have them stay out so late on a school night.

  Klinger : Put your mind at ease, sir. We Gypsies have ways of finding things out.

  B.J. : Crystal ball?

  Klinger : Cards.

  [produces deck] 

  Klinger : Concentrate with me, sir.

  [deals] 

  Klinger : Ten of clubs. Ace of spades. King of diamonds. Jack of hearts. This

  [points] 

  Klinger : - this is the crucial card. Ah! Queen of diamonds.

  [does double take] 

  Klinger : Holy mackerel! I drew a straight!

• Col. Potter : [Klinger is dressed as a gypsy]  Klinger, if I bought this story, they'd boot me out of the army.

  Klinger : It's true. Now I know why the sounds of violins set my blood on fire. Why I'm so attracted to storefront windows. Why, when I smell paprika, I face toward Budapest. Why I have the urge to roam.

  Col. Potter : Zoltan, roam the hell outta here.

• Klinger : [Klinger enters Potter's office dressed as a gypsy]  Colonel, I've got to talk to you right away!

  Col. Potter : Klinger, go put on a dress.

  Klinger : Pardon me, sir,did you call me "Klinger"?

  Col. Potter : If you aren't Klinger, who the Sam Hill are you?

  Hawkeye : Sam Hill, maybe.