M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Hot Lips Is Back in Town (1979)
David Ogden Stiers: Maj. Charles Winchester
Photos
Quotes
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[the Nurses Triage Training Program commences]
Major Charles Winchester : [to the nurses] Triage is a French word from the verb "Trier", meaning to sift or separate. There are three priorities: Those who need care at once in order to be saved, those who can wait, and those who are beyond hope.
Major Margaret Houlihan : They know what triage is, Major.
Major Charles Winchester : If you wish to heckle, Major Houlihan, please go to a nightclub.
Major Margaret Houlihan : Just get on with it, will you?
[Charles, Margaret, and the nurses walks to Klinger]
Major Charles Winchester : Here we have a head injury.
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : A lily dache head injury.
Major Charles Winchester : The patient is obviously delirious, indicating a possible Subdural Hematoma. Priority...
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : First, right?
Major Charles Winchester : I did not ask the patient. Priority... first.
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : See? I knew I was right.
Major Charles Winchester : Next.
[the class then walks over to Radar]
Major Charles Winchester : From the patient's rigid condition, we might assume that he is in an advance state of shock. However, there is no apparent injury. He merely complains that his left shoulder hurts.
Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly : Uh, yeah, my left shoulder hurts.
Major Charles Winchester : We are puzzled by this. On further examination, we observe a purple area over the left quadrant upper. Blunt trauma. Possible ruptured spleen. Moral: Never be fooled.
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[B.J., posing as a MP, storms inside the training tent]
Captain B.J. Hunnicut : Atten-hut! Prepare for inspection! Ladies and gentlemen, General Lyle Dumbkopf.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : [Hawkeye storms in, posing as a general; gruff voice] Thank you, Cato. Where are the girls? Where are the girls?
Captain B.J. Hunnicut : You want girls? You want girls?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : [to Nugent] You, suck in that gut! Throw out that chest!
[to Margaret]
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : You, stay just the way you are!
[Hawkeye grabs Margaret]
Major Margaret Houlihan : [shrieks] Get away from me!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Let's have a major skirmish.
Major Charles Winchester : Play this comic opera elsewhere.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Comic opera?
Major Charles Winchester : We are busy here!
Captain B.J. Hunnicut : Shall I have him shot, Mon general?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Shooting is too good for him. Lock him in the kitchen.
Major Margaret Houlihan : [grows furious] That's it, get out. Get out of here!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Cato, sound retreat.
[B.J. blows a whistle]
Major Margaret Houlihan : [screams] OUT!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : I shall not return.
[Margaret repeatedly hits Hawkeye and B.J. as she chases the two out of the tent]
Major Margaret Houlihan : Come on! Get out of here!
Major Margaret Houlihan : [frustrated] Can we just get on with it?