M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Lend a Hand (1980)
Mike Farrell: Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt
Quotes
-
Sergeant Herbert : You probably saved our butts, Captain. I don't know how to thank you.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : I do. When's your birthday?
Sergeant Herbert : June 12.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Wrong. It's just been promoted.
[to the crowd]
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Hey, everybody. Guess what. We got a birthday boy here. Today's Sergeant Herbert's birthday!
-
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : [making a toast] And here's to Hawkeye, who couldn't be with us tonight. But don't worry. I'll save a little punch for him.
-
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : I, uh, took the liberty of borrowing your birthday.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : YOU WHAT?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Shh! Will you...
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : [lowering his voice] You what?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Hawk, will you look around? See how depressed these people are? They need something to do. A surprise birthday party is just the thing to cheer them up.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : What are you, nuts? It's not even close to my birthday.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Perfect! You're not using it. It's part of the surprise.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Borrow your own birthday!
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Come on. You're gonna love it.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : I'm gonna hate it. A whole day of letting people slap me on the back, laughing at their stupid gag gifts, and pretending I'm surprised? And then, when it really IS my birthday, nobody'll believe me.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : I'LL believe you.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : You don't hear too well. Read my lips: Drop dead.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : I can't. I'm in charge of the party.
-
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Uh, Beej, could I talk to you for a minute, please?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : [to the nurses] Will you excuse me?
[to Hawkeye]
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Yeah, sure. What's the problem?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : I've been getting some very funny questions tonight like, uh, how big is my foot? What's my favorite color? Two people asked me if, uh, if I'd ever had a pet.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : They're interested in you. You have to realize these people are very bored.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : I seem to be the object of some kind of a conspiracy. So naturally, I thought of you.